How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent?

You've never heard of him.

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What happens when a high school calls in a replacement teacher for a subject they know nothing about?

Ooops... wrong sub.

What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

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How did the townsfolk find out the pigeons were plotting a revolution?

They heard them in the town square saying, "Coup, coup!"

How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh, it's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.