How do you know when a hiptser is a good secret agent?

You've never heard of him.

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How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

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How do you spot a terrorist?

They'll freak out when they hear a helicopter

How did the set react when it heard about the Russell Paradox?

It couldn't contain itself.