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What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

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Why do men, on average, die before women?

Because they want to.

Why did Frankenstein's monster give up boxing?

Because he didn't want to spoil his looks.

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How do you know when to use "fridge" or "refrigerator"?

Open it, if there's a 'd' in it, it's a fridge.

How many kidnapped children does it take to change a lightbulb?

The parents would love to know.