What do you call a happy Russian?

Gladimir Putin!

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How does a Russian count '1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi...'?

1 CCCP, 2 CCCP, 3 CCCP... Iwillseemyselfout

What do you call a fissure in the earth that houses old Russian rulers who like to mock others ironically?

Tsar-Chasm