Why do baseball pitches make bad doctors?

Because when asked to 'give it to them straight', they throw a curveball!

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How do you make an ugly baby?

Ask your parents.

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

Asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

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What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?

I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!

What did the salad say as it was thrown into jail?

Lettuce Go!