Why don't I have a record deal?

Then I take them out and I know why.

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What do you call an outdated joke that, while sharp, has little potential for laughs?

I used to know, but then I took an arrow to the knee

How did my doctor know I have minor IBS?

I just asked him to edit my essay and he said I have semi colon problems. He must be a smart guy if he can figure that out from my writing.