How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?

You can't!

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How does a dog play Hendrix on guitar?

With a chihuahua pedal.

How many amateur masochists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one; But it takes a WHOLE E.R. room to extract it afterwards. Double joke! "whole... hole." it's a play on words

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How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?

You can almost hear them.

How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?

You can't!