How do you tell if you're a real gangster?

Take a blud test OC

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What did a bad teacher tell their wisecracking student?

Don't get smart with me.

Why do they say cleanliness is next to godliness?

Because every time i talk dirty to my wife she tells me to go to hell.

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Why are jerks nice sometimes?

Standard deviation of the mean (OC, as far as I know)

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6