Oc Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What's a redditors worst fear?

Whats reddits favorite tv show?

The OC.

How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified?

OC) YORO (You only resurrect once)

Why did the English majors switch to Spanish?

Too many persuasive esses.

What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward?

OC A receeding Herr line.

How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

OC You make a reservation

What kind of jacket would Michael J. Fox wear if he was black?

OC A parka, son.

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Christmas is over?

OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.

Which type of juice has the most mood swings?

Caprice Sun. OC

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

How many redditors it takes to change a lightbulb?

OC It only takes 1. But another 999 to repost this 100% original joke. I made this.

What do you put in an actor's drink... OC to raise the level of anticipation at the Oscars?

Expectorant(/spoiler)

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love Easter, baby." (OC)

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

How do you keep your dog young for longer?

Keep them stored in some quality pupperware!

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

OC It was her sole comfort.

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

OC A Scoli-ocean! (Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

Why are jerks nice sometimes?

Standard deviation of the mean (OC, as far as I know)

What did the ascetic say when he broke his fast?

OC I think I'll go on a diet!

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Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What do you call a dairy cow who doesn't produce any milk?

OC) An utter disappointment

How did the urologist ruin his Christmas?

OC He looked inside Santa's sack.

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?

Arnold Schwarzeneighbor (OC)

How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom?

By process of elimination.

Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

Oc Because he cantaloupe.

What literary genre is Frozen?

Bildungsnowman. (OC)

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

OC I think I'm feeling C6

How do you tell if you're a real gangster?

Take a blud test OC

What's the difference between a fish and an elephant?

OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant

Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies?

OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto.

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue?

OC Icy dead people!

Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

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Decline Jokes More Decline Jokes

Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Solve Jokes More Solve Jokes

Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Why can't atheists solve quadratic equations?

They don't believe in higher powers.

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the Native American who drank too much tea?

He died in his teepee

What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common?

They're still talking about what happened in 1982.

Resurrect Jokes More Resurrect Jokes

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

Why did Jesus take three days to resurrect after dying on the cross?

Because the date wasn't nailed down.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas?

Highway 55.

What did Samsung Galaxy S 5 say to the iPhone 6?

Get bent" I hope you guys like this joke. I just came up with it.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of mint is the hardest to swallow?

Abandonment.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

A mouse organ!

Couple Jokes More Couple Jokes

What couple rode a horse up a hill to fetch a pail of water?

Jockey and Jill!

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long