Oc Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

Why did the English majors switch to Spanish?

Too many persuasive esses.

What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward?

OC A receeding Herr line.

How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

OC You make a reservation

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Christmas is over?

OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.

Which type of juice has the most mood swings?

Caprice Sun. OC

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

What do you put in an actor's drink... OC to raise the level of anticipation at the Oscars?

Expectorant(/spoiler)

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love Easter, baby." (OC)

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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How do you keep your dog young for longer?

Keep them stored in some quality pupperware!

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

OC It was her sole comfort.

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

OC A Scoli-ocean! (Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

Why are jerks nice sometimes?

Standard deviation of the mean (OC, as far as I know)

What did the ascetic say when he broke his fast?

OC I think I'll go on a diet!

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What do you call a dairy cow who doesn't produce any milk?

OC) An utter disappointment

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?

Arnold Schwarzeneighbor (OC)

How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom?

By process of elimination.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

Oc Because he cantaloupe.

What literary genre is Frozen?

Bildungsnowman. (OC)

How do you tell if you're a real gangster?

Take a blud test OC

What's the difference between a fish and an elephant?

OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant

Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies?

OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto.

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue?

OC Icy dead people!

Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

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German Jokes More German Jokes

Who pays for the drinks?

The German!

Why does everyone hate German sausage jokes?

Because they're the wurst.

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

German Man Jokes More German Man Jokes

What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward?

OC A receeding Herr line.

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Crucify Jokes More Crucify Jokes

What was Jesus' reaction to being crucified?

He was cross.

How did Jesus feel when they crucified him?

He was cross.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?

A lost clause.

Redditor Jokes More Redditor Jokes

Why was the Redditor's picture crooked?

Because Redditors aren't known for keeping a level head.

What does a redditor do after his picket fence is installed?

He re-posts it.

Favorite Tv Jokes More Favorite Tv Jokes

What did Snoop say Dr. Dre while binge watching their favorite TV show?

Are you ready for the next episode?

What is Klaus Teuber's (designer of Settlers of Catan) favorite TV show?

Brick and Orety

Fear Jokes More Fear Jokes

How do you get over a fear of elevators?

Just take some steps to avoid them!

What do you call a fear of Alkaline?

A pH-obia