Oc Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How bad is it when a nations power crisis can only be solved by a couple of hydroelectric plants?

Two dam bad! (OC!)

Why did the English majors switch to Spanish?

Too many persuasive esses.

What do you call ten German men standing abreast, walking backward?

OC A receeding Herr line.

How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

OC You make a reservation

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger say when Christmas is over?

OC (please use your Ahnold voice) Hasta la vista, Baby....Jesus.

Which type of juice has the most mood swings?

Caprice Sun. OC

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

What do you put in an actor's drink... OC to raise the level of anticipation at the Oscars?

Expectorant(/spoiler)

What would Arnold Schwarzenegger say if you asked him his favorite holiday?

You have to love Easter, baby." (OC)

How do fast food restaurants make so much money?

OC "They flip burgers for profit!" Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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How do you keep your dog young for longer?

Keep them stored in some quality pupperware!

Why was the woman so attached to her Dr. Scholl's gel insert?

OC It was her sole comfort.

What do you call a beach with crooked waves?

OC A Scoli-ocean! (Came up with that recently, hope it tickles your funny bone)

Why are jerks nice sometimes?

Standard deviation of the mean (OC, as far as I know)

What did the ascetic say when he broke his fast?

OC I think I'll go on a diet!

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon?

OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

What do you call a dairy cow who doesn't produce any milk?

OC) An utter disappointment

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?

Arnold Schwarzeneighbor (OC)

How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom?

By process of elimination.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

Oc Because he cantaloupe.

What literary genre is Frozen?

Bildungsnowman. (OC)

How do you tell if you're a real gangster?

Take a blud test OC

What's the difference between a fish and an elephant?

OC) You really can't tell the difference between a fish and an elephant

Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies?

OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto.

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue?

OC Icy dead people!

Why doesn't Superman need a boss?

OC) He already has supervision.

What did the Japanese buck say to the doe he was courting?

I don't know how to put this but...I'm kind of a big deer.

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Spanish Jokes More Spanish Jokes

How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?

Mark Sanchez.

What did the Spanish soccer announcer invest in?

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD**

Couple Jokes More Couple Jokes

When I was a little boy I asked my mum 'how many is a couple?

She replied 'oh, two or three' Now I know why her marriage didn't last long

What do you call couples that practice pulling out as a method of contraception?

Parents.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the angry dough ball say to the other dough ball?

You trying to get a rise out of me! Came up with while I was making pizza.

What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.

Fear Jokes More Fear Jokes

What do you call a fear of Alkaline?

A pH-obia

What do you call a fear of deadly snakes?

Common sense.

Resurrect Jokes More Resurrect Jokes

Why did Jesus take 3 days to resurrect?

He got hammered with his buddies.

R Jokes More R Jokes

What's a pirrrate's favorite letterrr?

R?" NOOO!!! It's the Sea!!!

Why couldn't a kid watch a pirate movie?

Because it was rated R.

Redditor Jokes More Redditor Jokes

Why are Redditors so good at fencing?

Because they always riposte.

Why was the Redditor's picture crooked?

Because Redditors aren't known for keeping a level head.

Solve Jokes More Solve Jokes

How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem?

He worked it out with a pencil!

What do bed detectives solve?

Pillow cases