Beard Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans"

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

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Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

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What's a Redditor's favorite color?

M'genta

What is a neckbeard's favorite color?

M'genta

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How did the Santa Lawn Ornament feel the day after Christmas?

He was de-lighted.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

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Who is he?

Crash Bandicoot God I miss this guy.

What do you call it when a dinosaur crashes his car?

Tyrannosaurus Wrecks

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When did this happen?

When did what happen

What happens when the sun goes down?

It gets dark.

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What do you call a bearded gardener?

Hairy Potter

What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?

Hairy Potter.

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What's a neckbeard's favourite country?

M'laysia

What is a neck beard's favorite country?

M'Laysia