Beard Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans"

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

Why was the cake afraid of mobsters?

He knew they were going to ice him.

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Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

What do you call the science of knives?

Cutting edge technology.

Conspiracy Theorist Jokes More Conspiracy Theorist Jokes

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards?

Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor

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Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

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How did Christopher Columbus find India?

He used Apple Maps.

What did Obi-Wan say to Luke at the breakfast table?

"Use the fork, Luke."

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

What's a redditors worst fear?

What literary genre is Frozen?

Bildungsnowman. (OC)

25 Jokes More 25 Jokes

Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 is Dec 25

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why did the hippie lifeguard not save the drowning boy?

He was too far out man!!

How did they light their cigarettes?

One man threw a cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.