Beard Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans"

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

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Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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What's it called when a fedora wearing neckbeard gets sick?

M'alady

What does a neckbeard tip his fedora to in soviet russia?

M'otherland

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals?

A guard dog!

Conspiracy Theorist Jokes More Conspiracy Theorist Jokes

What do capitalists and conspiracy theorists have in common?

They are both controlled by little green men.

What's the difference between a skeptic and a conspiracy theorist?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What can Santa give away and still keep?

A cold.

What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa stops at three Ho's

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

How much for a haircut?

Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.

Clothe Jokes More Clothe Jokes

What do clouds wear under their clothes?

Thunderware.

Who, me?

Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

What did the man say to the suffocating clown?

You've got to be choking

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus.