Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.
Philately will get you no where.
Because it lasts forever.
You gotta Mufasa
The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.
Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
Tell a woman you love her and she says "i think we're just friends..."
If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.
Women.
Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?
Mourning Sickness.
Because women love digging up the past.
The back of my hand...
By becoming a ventriloquist!
You really have a smart uniform.
I start with a v and every woman has one. She can even use me to get what she wants. What am I? I'll post the answer in 10 minutes.
Because they'll get sand in their schlitz.
She couldn't see that well.
M'alaydy
The back of my hand.
A girl has no name.
Wife.
Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.
Finger puppet
When he's a billionaire.
Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
Because their balls would show.
Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.
Because they'll get sand in their Schlitz.
A battery has a positive side.
I don't care. You pick
Because women are right.
Chapped lips
Deez nuts
A 100$ bill
Women Say the Darndest Things
A Biplane.
Because it was being driven by a woman
She complains to a man.
Because he cauterize.
Drive me to the grocery store.
Men jiggle the nozzle afterwards.
Nothing, you've already told her twice.
He invited her over to net fish and krill.
Wonder how the hell a car got into the kitchen
An object oriented programming language.
Amazon.
The dishes, if she knows what's good for her!
Ciabatta very good!
Because she couldn't stand him.
The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.
Antibiotics.
What Men Know About Women
Rich... Also an ambulance.
A widow.
Pull off the ring and the house is gone.
Between 18 and 24 yrs
Shaven, not furred
They know how to work under the hood!
Banner.
You skip the flat ones.
Feminem
Single.
Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!
Because she was his sole mate.
Bernadette
Bernadette.
The boat cuts through the water, a woman waters through the cut.
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me".
You can skip the flat ones.
Do you ladies wanna go back to my place and conduct a double slit experiment?
They only have one joystick to worry about.
Because she can't drive for sh*t.
They'll get chapped lips!
Because it went straight pasta.
You start as a billionaire
Inserting a rod into the reactor turns it off.
A stillborn
Inconceivable.
The nun has hope in her soul!
Sue.
The woman coming out of church as hope in her soul!
Itali-cized.
Wait, I can explain everything!
A woman.
Sophia. (sphere) it works best spoken
So women know where to stand in the kitchen.
Nun
Nothing. She's already been told.
Only one, but with a perticular FETISH
Q: Why don't women wear watches? A: Because there is a clock on the stove.
100 bill.
Thort thorts.
Nothing, you already told her twice.
They both couldn't vote before 1920
Sue she
Because the Earth is not a sandwich!
Because it's worth it.
A man.
Because those men already have boyfriends.
A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)
Yogurt has a live and thriving culture.
Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.
I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!
The Kurds have their ways
Witch 2: "I get a lot of hexercise."
An ask. (Explanation: Because most black people say ax for ask, it is swapped around.) Came up with it by myself, how did I do
Carbon dating.
Throw in a load of laundry, and soap
I put soap and water in there every day...
I've been framed!
Am I free to ghost
Because they are always spotted!
They can't hide behind billboards.
Kay-so-deal-a?
The planes were stalin.
