What do you tell your wife with two black eyes?

Nothing, you already told her twice.

This joke may have profanity.
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What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

Why do husbands typically die before their wives?

They want to.

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What do you tell a women with a black eye?

Nothing, you already told her once.

What do you say to a girl with a black eye?

Nothing. You already told her.