You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!
He took his wife for granite.
I missed you
To remind them why there's no money in it
Life eventually ends.
He tractor down
Because my wife says she wants to dance on my grave.
Because we want to!
Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...
He Double Gloucester.
Berrrnie Sanders H/T: wife
Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.
You get your wife back. Your house back. Your truck back. Your dog back...
Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one
Conjunction junction, they specialize in hooking up words, phrases, and Clauses
You get your wife, truck, and land back.
To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago.
Te-quil-a
He found his wife sweeping with someone else.
Remove the ring and your house is gone.
Anyone that goes near my wife!
5 minutes talk to wife.
Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.
Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.
10 bucks says I don't need this oxygen tank
A hug and a little quiche.
A widow
Both are French.
Don't go bacon my heart
Aye, Chi-Chi, Why?
Meet Patty
No on knows. It's a Mister Bee.
He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...
Engage.
Wait, I can explain everything!
My girlfriend knows about my wife.
Pre-nup brittle.
Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!
Talk in your sleep.
You get your house back, your dog back, your wife back, and you sober up.
Every night, he'd go out and drink until it was light.
Two wives.
One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.
The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.
W song backwards? Your wife back, your house back, your car back, and your dog back.
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels
They want to.
His Ex-Wife.
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.
Because when he asked his wife how many eggs to buy, she said 4!
Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
About 60 pounds.
Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.
A dependent Claus.
Because his wife needs him.
Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.
A stole.
Rugs and kisses!
Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions
He just needed a little bit of Clojure.
When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh
Wife: No idea Memory foam pillow: Two years, five months and two days
She became salty.
Dual air bags.
I'll be back in a jiffy
Anne hath a way.
My wife.
Hog and kisses!
Caesar!
Because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so
Because he was a neck-romancer....
They don't have wives
Because the thief was spending less than his wife.
Congee-gal visit
From his wife back home
Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat..
The cold shoulder.
Aloe Vera!
A snowmobile!
No, Woman, no pie.
Their wives just wouldn't stand for it
His prime-mate!
You can actually get through the minefield alive.
If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor
Feyonce.
Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right Me: Coupon *wife faints*
On a blind date
Stop talking in secret code.
Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.
It's Christmas, Eve!
God's punishing you for waiting until the flight home to buy your wife a gift.
He proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."
Darth Vader.
Wife: "Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one."
Studying their Miranda Rights.
Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
By Miles Apart
He was Stalin.
Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!
Take their little stones and brooms away!
Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"
He had no guts!
He didn't have the guts for it.
A bear faced lyre!
Me 30 minutes into dieting
You trying to get a rise out of me! Came up with while I was making pizza.
Because he heard the snowblower was coming.
