Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?

He liked to chop and change!

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

How can you tell when you are talking to an extroverted engineer?

They look at your feet instead of theirs.

Why do hamburgers make poor pigeons?

They won't talk no matter how you grill them!

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?

Nail its other hand to the floor.

What job do you never stop training for?

Conductor

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside of a Planned Parenthood?

Going inside to ask for a coat hanger.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?

They can wear casual clothes to work

Shirt Jokes More Shirt Jokes

What do you call a shirt missing its sleeves?

An ampu-tee.

Why is your shirt on wrong?

Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"