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Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it's already on?

Stop talking in secret code.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*

What did the French chef give his wife on Valentine's Day?

A hug and a little quiche.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What's more impressive than the talking dragon?

A spelling bee. Credit goes to a cheesestick wrapper!

Who's there! Aries! Aries who?

Aries a reason why I talk this way!

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

How do you know when the drummer has shown up for band practice?

He won't stop banging at the door.

What's stronger, fifty watts of sound or fifty watts of light?

I don't care but would you please stop screaming, turning the lights on and off.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What is Santa's favorite type of cookie?

Ask your dad.

How do you get a Canadian to quit smoking cigarets?

You ask him politely.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why are you wearing masks?

There are no other giant, mutated turtles. No one's gonna mistake a different turtle for you.

What are you wearing?

ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.

Shirt Jokes More Shirt Jokes

What does it say on the door of the Microsoft store?

No shirt, no shoes, no Surface.

How does Snoop Dogg keep his shirts so white?

BLE-YATCH!