What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

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Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st?

Because Santa came early this year.

What does Santa say when he is sick?

OH OH NO!

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How did Spartacus feel about going down on his wife?

He was gladiator

What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart

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Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC