What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because it **soots** him. Credit: Curious: The Tourist Guide

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens to a woman who falls down the stairs?

Nothing, as long as she doesn't drop my beers

Whats happening?

FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What do pimples and catholic priests have in common?

They both start coming on boys' faces around age 13.

What side of the American flag are the stars on?

Both sides. Came from my FIL on this Memorial Day.

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What do police and my laundry detergent not have in common?

One protects all colors.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What is the easiest way to make a banana split?

Cut it in half.

Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?

The baa-baa shop.

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A dependent Claus.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

What does a cannibal bring to a barbecue?

OC) Brats!

Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach?

Arnold Schwarzeneighbor (OC)

Beard Jokes More Beard Jokes

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus.

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Decline Jokes More Decline Jokes

What did the surgeon say when the doctor declined going out after work?

Suture self!

Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC