Press Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?

He was soda pressed.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

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Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

France Jokes More France Jokes

Where do you find 60 million french jokes?

In France.

What do they leave on your pillow at a bordello in Dijon, France?

Condom-Mints

Act Jokes More Act Jokes

What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god?

Deus Ex Macarena

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

Coke Jokes More Coke Jokes

What's A Columbian's Favorite Kind of Drink?

Coke.

Why do Kenyans always win marathons?

At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Where do super-villains get their coffee?

DUN-DUN-DUUUNNNNkin Donuts.

Who reads the news AND makes coffee?

Katie Keurig. (I know the setup might need some work but I just like the punchline I made up.)

Crush Jokes More Crush Jokes

How is everything?

ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt

What's the first thing a hillbilly says after losing her virginity?

Get off me Daddy, you're crushing my cigarettes.

Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

Why can't Santa play in the NBA?

He has a no-trade Claus

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

How did people charge their phones before electricity?

They didn't...!

Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?

Because there'd be no charge.