Mrs. Claus Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

Because Santa came early!

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus.

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

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Clau Jokes More Clau Jokes

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

How many people work at your company?

About half of them.

Why was the egg late for work?

It ova slept.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

The attorney charges more.

What should you do when a bull charges you?

Pay him

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine and a seven year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out the window. EDIT: Damn it he was four

Why did Eric Clapton make the switch from PC to Apple?

Well because he had a horrible experience with windows. (credit to Neil Hamburger for this amazing joke)

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl?

They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium)

What happens when you run away from tomatos?

They ketchup.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call the amount of time it takes to win an argument with a lawyer?

An attornity.

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

Tenish.