Charge Jokes

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

How does a penman make his living?

He charges a calligra-fee of course!

Why do credit cards not work in France?

They don't understand the concept of charging.

Why did he cross back?

So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

Yes!" puts half the cash I had to charge for the bag

What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

Sir Charge

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed?

On charges of battery.

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck?

He was in charge of refresh mints.

What was he charged with?

Indie-cent exposure.

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

What are our scientists doing

When should you charge a battery?

When you can't pay cash.

Why was the battery arrested?

Cuz it was charged with electricity.

Why wasn't meek mills phone working?

Because it wasn't "charged up"

Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?

Because there'd be no charge.

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber?

Char-Jar Binks

What does a negatively charged particle do when it gets excited?

It gets an erectron.

How much do dead batteries cost?

Nothing. They are free of charge!

What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died?

Napoleon Blownaparte

Why is it expensive to be a criminal?

Because the police charge you.

Why was the horse all charged up?

It ate some haywire!

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

A buck an ear.

Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny?

He was wanted for several charges of battery

How do you stop a charging bull?

Take away its credit card!*** wa-waa-waaaa! Skip

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Take away his credit card.

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What does velcro yell as it charges into battle?

ATTACH!

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

He charges you double.

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

I feel positively charged!

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

A buccaneer

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?

I'm on the horns of a dilemma here!

How much does a dead battery cost?

It's free of charge

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?

Take away it's credit cards!

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

Why did the Energizer Bunny need to lawyer up?

He was charged with battery.

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to prison?

He was charged with battery.

Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3?

Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was.

What would you do if a bull charged you?

Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

What kind of tools do I need to make a cake?

Him: The fact that you're calling ingredients tools means u shouldnt be in charge of this.

Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

The liter.

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

What did you learn at summer camp?

KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods

How much will that be?

Asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Why was he woman arrested on a cattle ranch for wearing a silk dress?

She was charged with rustling!

What do you do if your in the way of stampeding cows?

Take away their credit cards so they can't charge

Why did you charge me a group rate?

Psychiatrist: You've got multiple personalities.

What's the difference between a bull and a Samsung Note 7?

I'm not scared when the bull charges

Why can't an egg ever be in charge?

Because they crack under pressure.

Why aren't you charging me for the paint?

They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

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What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?

ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone sack time!!

What do you get when you cross Groot with Santa?

A Giving Christmas Tree

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

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Why was the girl with the Frozen balloon sad?

Because she...let it go!

What did Norman Bates call his little sister?

You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender?

No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. end metajoke

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

Lion Jokes More Lion Jokes

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

A lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

Trust Jokes More Trust Jokes

Why didn't you answer your home phone?

Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen?

Because it might be a *sham*

200 Pound Jokes More 200 Pound Jokes

What device did Jared Fogle use to keep track of his exercise progresswhen he lost over 200 pounds on the Subway diet?

A pedometer

How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging?

Take away it's credit cards.

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

Why was the new Mexican sad?

He was out of meth. Why was the old Mexican sad All his friends are dead.

How do Mexicans keep their food warm?

Chicken Fajitas.

Charge Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do the cristae of the mitochondria and the Mexican border have in common?

Why do warriors make bad business men?

How much do pirates charge for corn?

Why should you never trust someone giving away batteries?

How much will a pirate charge you for a piercing?

What was the condiment stand charged with?

How much do used batteries cost?

How do you stop a Lion from charging?

How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging?

How do you stop a rhino from charging?

Love

Why were the Star Wars made IV, V, VI, I, II, III?

What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Why were episodes 4, 5, 6 made before 1, 2, 3?

Why was the Energizer Bunny tried in court?

How many electrons does a negatively charged oxygen atom have?

Why was the Energizer Bunny in court?

What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

How did people charge their phones before electricity?

Why does Star Wars Movies numbering scheme starts with 4,5,6?

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Your Age Is Only Math

Why didn't the cops ever charge Abraham Lincoln?

What do you call the angel in charge of hydroelectrics?

How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management?

Why did the electron go to jail?

What did the failing kidney say to the healthy one?

Why does no-one use the rhinos ATM?

Why was the circuit arrested?

How Much Did the Pirate Charge For Corn?

Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court?

How do you stop an angry rhino from charging?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What's the difference between an attorney and a herd of buffalo?

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

Why did the robot get the electric chair?

How the does man give his dead batteries away?

What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

Why did the cellphone go to court?

How does a penman make his living?

Why do credit cards not work in France?

Why did he cross back?

Whole Foods "All the cash in a bag NOW!" 100% organic reusable bag ok?

What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed?

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck?

What was he charged with?

Why hasn't a phone that charges itself just by scrolling the screen ever been invented?

When should you charge a battery?

Why was the battery arrested?

Why wasn't meek mills phone working?

Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop?

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber?

What does a negatively charged particle do when it gets excited?

How much do dead batteries cost?

What do you call a French General who charged into battle and died?

Why is it expensive to be a criminal?

Why was the horse all charged up?

How much do pirates charge for piercings?

Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny?

How do you stop a charging bull?

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

How do you stop a bull from charging?

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

What does velcro yell as it charges into battle?

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?

What did the British proton say after 5 cups of coffee?

What do pirate farmers charge for their corn?

What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once?

How much does a dead battery cost?

How do you stop an angry elephant from charging?

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Why did the Energizer Bunny need to lawyer up?

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to prison?