When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How did you lose your last job?

I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

When my laptop asks "Are you sure?

It's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

What do you get when you order a JFK?

An americano with an extra shot

What does M.Night Shyamalan always order when he goes out for ice cream?

A large twist cone.

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

A salad-manager

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

Toss Jokes More Toss Jokes

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

What do you call tossing a Hawaiian's salad?

Pacific rim

Soup Jokes More Soup Jokes

What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?

I can roast chicken but I can't pea soup

What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

Frown Jokes More Frown Jokes

What's the one kind of marriage that's still frowned upon in Alabama?

Interracial

Where does it stop?

8 Chainz frowned. "14 Chainz doesn't have time for

Waitress Jokes More Waitress Jokes

What's the difference between a waitress and your mom?

A waitress leaves me alone after I give her the tip.

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night?

She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.