Order Jokes

What is the best food to order from Amazon?

Prime Rib

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

Why do we feel the need to order beers in round?

It's beer pressure.

Whats BNAG?

Its bang out of order!

What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU?

Women Say the Darndest Things

What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?

500 Internal Server Error

How was the bear able to move in order to get honey?

It had muscles.

What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.

What do you call it when a man is given an order to take another man out lunch?

A MANDATE

What did the made-to-order breakfast dish say to Taylor Swift at the Grammys?

Omelette you finish.

Why do people order espresso shots at Starbucks?

Because it's black. Sorry.

What does M.Night Shyamalan always order when he goes out for ice cream?

A large twist cone.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What do you call insects of the order Mantodea during mating season?

Laying mantises.

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny.

What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?

Who ordered the two jumbos?!

Why should you never order the eggs while in France?

Because they are always uf.

What do you get when you order a JFK?

An americano with an extra shot

What did the Joker say when he was at McDonalds?

May I take your order?

What did the bartender say to the giraffe when he ordered a beer?

Long neck or giraffed?

How are you going to celebrate 9-11?

I go to the tallest tower in my city. Call up a pizza place and order two large planes.

What do you call a "to-go" dish ordered from German-Italian restaurant?

Alfredosehen

Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips?

For the Halibut.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Why is it so hard to order pizza from me?

I'll update with the hilarious punchline later...

What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

An inj-oink-tion.

What do birds order when they go to Starbucks?

Flappaccinos.

Why did Snoke get his meal before Kylo Ren?

Because he made the First Order!

When she read the order back to me she said, "So, you have one thick sausage, anything else?

I looked her dead in the eye and replied, "Yes, I also ordered a pizza."

What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?

2 large planes

Why should you never order the T-bone in an Alaskan restaurant?

Because it might be a moose steak.

What's the definition of a cannibal?

Some who goes into a restaurant and orders a waiter!

Why are people always having their pizzas delivered?

Just order them without liver.

Why are you being so distant?

Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole

When should you feel sorry for a skunk?

When its spray pump is out of order!

How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered?

Waiter: Well you know how slow turtles are.

Why were the twin towers sad?

They ordered pepperoni but got plain.

Why doesn't Kylo Ren's lightsaber look like a normal lightsaber?

Because it's a First Order approximation.

Why did you crash into that stop sign?

Motorist: I was only following orders.

How much does wonton soup weigh?

One ton, but I don't know anyone that'd wantonly order it.

How fast can you order a pizza?

HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT

How does Batman order his iced water?

Can I get that..Just ice

How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

Allah carte.

When a waitress asks me if I want soup or salad, I always ask "who's in charge of tossing the salads here?

Then I frown & order the soup.

How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet?

By crawling to the counter " GET OUT

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?

Eschew! Eschew!

Why were the Twin Towers upset?

They ordered pepperoni but they got plane

What's the secret to a long life?

I said, "Never order vegetarian in Texas"

What do you call someone who keeps trying the same thing again and again, yet expects different results?

A weapons designer for the First Order.

Why were the people in twin towers upset?

They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane

What's wrong with these eggs I ordered?

Waiter: Don't ask me. I only laid the table.

Why were the twin towers disappointed?

They ordered pepperoni and all they got was plane.

What's a girl gotta do to get a drink?

Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

Who ordered the farts?

Then, fart.

How do you order a bill in Australian restaurant?

Cheque, mate! --- Maybe not the funniest buy posting because: My. My own. My precious...

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

What's wrong with a broken alphabetizer?

It's out of order.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers so upset about their pizza order?

They ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

How long does it take for stormtroopers to obey Kylo Ren?

Just the First Order.

What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?

They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.

What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for?

Sorry, I overwrote your order.

What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?

Make me one with everything*

Why were the people in the twin towers mad?

Because they ordered pepperoni, but all they got was plane.

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

Why are you ordering so many drinks?

The dog responds, "I've had a ruff day."

A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...

I'm sorry, we don't serve food here

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Action Jokes More Action Jokes

Why did the librarian hush the mime?

Because actions speak louder than words.

What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action?

An inj-oink-tion.

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

Why did the hipster cross the road?

To get to a place you've probably never heard of.

What do you call the place where lesbian Eskimos meet up?

A Klondike Bar

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

How do computers learn to read?

C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run

Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?

A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."

Peak Jokes More Peak Jokes

What does a noise musician order at a Chinese restaurant?

Peaking duck!

What did the tree say to the mountain?

Stop peaking at me.

Pig Jokes More Pig Jokes

Why can't you take a pig out on a date?

Because she will squeal on you.

What do you call a pig making cookies?

Bakin'!

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

How does captain hook cook pita bread?

With a pita pan.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a wizard that puts people to sleep?

Dumblebore

Why do Polish people keep empty bottles in their refrigerator?

For people that don't want anything to drink

Sort Jokes More Sort Jokes

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?

A petticoat!

What sort of drug does a duck use?

Quack cocaine