Cook Jokes

Where do cowboys cook their meals?

On the range

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Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

The steaks have never been higher

What mathematical cube can you cook with?

A boolean cube!

What is ez to cook?

CookEZ.

Which pirate makes the best food?

Captain Cook.

What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?

I just booked a cook for cooking the books.

What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron?

Fawaffle!

What do you call a fish that likes to cook?

Bobby Fillet

How do you cook toilet paper?

You brown it on one side

What do you call a badly cooked beef?

A misteak.

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

Turkey

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What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

What do you call an Ape cooking a BBQ?

A Gorilla

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home?

A home-cooked shower.

How does one cook toilet paper?

Simple - brown it on both sides then throw it into the pot.

Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.

How does captain hook cook pita bread?

With a pita pan.

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again.

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

Why do oysters enjoy being cooked?

It raises their shellfish steam.

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What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship?

The khrushchev

Why can't short people cook?

Because the steaks are too high.

How are bears related to cooking?

The pan... duh

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

Why could the chef not cook a tree branch?

Because he used a non-stick pan.

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

Why is Nixon a bad chef?

Because he is not a cook.

Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?

Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

Why do cows think cooks are mean?

They whip cream!

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?

Because he mist it.

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?

Cook-a-doodle-do!

Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs?

He only had Non-Stick pans.

What do you call chow mein cooked in tomato sauce?

Impasta

What happens when geese land in a volcano?

They cook their own gooses!

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace?

Sigh* Parenting is hard.

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

Whats the hardest part about cooking vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What did the cook say to the dough?

I "NEED" you!

What does a black and white bear use to cook its dinner?

A pan, duh!

What kind of Pop do you cook with?

Baking Soda

Why did the Cook cross the road?

Because there were "Too Many Cooks".

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

A mistake

How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?

Wel-dern

What do chefs do when they are cooking in an emergency?

They take drastic measures.

What did the human torch say before he cooked the beef?

FILET MIGNON!**

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable?

The wheelchair

What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

Teaching the chicken to cook

Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?

He knows a little ham goes a long way.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

What does a witch enjoy cooking most?

Gnomelettes.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast?

The game warden found out he poached his eggs!

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

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Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What's the hardest part of a gardener's job?

Getting to the root of the problem.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

German Jokes More German Jokes

Why does everyone hate German sausage jokes?

Because they're the wurst.

What does a German call a party without Sausage and Cheese?

A Wurst-Kse Scenario

Tim Cook Jokes More Tim Cook Jokes

What cereal was removed from Tim Cook's breakfast?

Apple Jacks

Why did Tim Cook fire an unpaid intern lately?

His name was Jack

French Fry Jokes More French Fry Jokes

Who loves hamburgers French fries and ants?

Ronald MacAardvark!

Where were the first French fries made?

In grease

16 Jokes More 16 Jokes

What superhero consists of only 16 atoms?

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BATMAN!!

What game do French schoolchildren like to play?

Simon 16

Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

Why did the cop wake up his son?

To stop a kid napping.

What did the doughnut say to the cop?

Don't glaze me, bro

Lover Jokes More Lover Jokes

What did the potato say to his lover?

You have amazing eyes.

What did the lesbian vampire say to her lover?

See you next month

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man one bicycle?

A tire.

Whats the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a bottle of glue?

Anyone can tuna piano, but nobody can piano a tuna!