Cook Jokes

In Heaven, the cops are British, the engineers are German, the lovers are French, the cooks are Italian and the whole thing is managed by the Swiss In Hell, the cops are German, the engineers are French, the lovers are Swiss, the cooks are British and the whole thing is managed by the Italians

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

The men provide the food and the women do the cooking, leaving the children to wash up afterwards.

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home?

A home-cooked shower.

How does one cook toilet paper?

Simple - brown it on both sides then throw it into the pot.

Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

It takes a lot more thyme to accomplish.

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How does captain hook cook pita bread?

With a pita pan.

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

Why do oysters enjoy being cooked?

It raises their shellfish steam.

How do you make German potato pancakes?

Cook them in the microwave

What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship?

The khrushchev

Why can't short people cook?

Because the steaks are too high.

How are bears related to cooking?

The pan... duh

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

Terri-fried!

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Have a pirate cook it...they always add an "arrr"...

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What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

Why could the chef not cook a tree branch?

Because he used a non-stick pan.

Why can't the French cook two eggs?

Because one egg is

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

Why is Nixon a bad chef?

Because he is not a cook.

What are cooking for us today?

Dingo: I'm making my famous baby coleslaw

Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?

Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

I can't pair wines like this.

Why do cows think cooks are mean?

They whip cream!

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?

Because he mist it.

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?

Cook-a-doodle-do!

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Having to toss everyone's salad

Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs?

He only had Non-Stick pans.

What do you call chow mein cooked in tomato sauce?

Impasta

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?

Take them out their wheelchair.

Why don't we say Grace?

Me: I don't know. 5-year-old: Me: 5-year-old: Is it because your cooking makes God angry

What happens when geese land in a volcano?

They cook their own gooses!

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

A pan. Duh!

How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace?

Sigh* Parenting is hard.

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

Whats the hardest part about cooking vegetable?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What did the cook say to the dough?

I "NEED" you!

What does a black and white bear use to cook it's dinner?

A pan, duh!

What kind of Pop do you cook with?

Baking Soda

Why did the Cook cross the road?

Because there were "Too Many Cooks".

What can I get for you?

Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

A mistake

Why make us select "cook" at all?

Does my appliance have a calculator function or something Sincerely, Everyone

What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves?

Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now

How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?

Wel-dern

What do chefs do when they are cooking in an emergency?

They take drastic measures.

What did the human torch say before he cooked the beef?

FILET MIGNON!**

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable?

The wheelchair

Why are you complaining?

Isn't it cooked

What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

Teaching the chicken to cook

Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?

He knows a little ham goes a long way.

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

He lost track of thyme. Happy Thanksgiving.

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?

They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

What does a witch enjoy cooking most?

Gnomelettes.

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast?

The game warden found out he poached his eggs!

How do you cook a stoned ham?

420F Glaze it Ok I'm leaving

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

Why do Mexicans hate cooking pasta?

When they boil the water, they always have to add that *pinche* salt.

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

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French Jokes More French Jokes

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

What do you call a magic dog in French?

A magi-chien.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

What does a television have in common with a rabbit?

His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.

British Jokes More British Jokes

What do you call a British dinosaur?

A tea rex.

What's that diving?

Is it a bird, Is it a plane... No it's the British Pound...

German Jokes More German Jokes

What does a German say when you finally explain a funny meme to him?

Danke

What do Germans say when you show them a meme?

Danke.

Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

Why are the cops in Ferguson Steelers fans?

Bullet train!

Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He was trying to bust a move

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Fitting the wheelchair in the oven.

What's the hardest part of skydiving?

The ground!

Homo Jokes More Homo Jokes

Italian Jokes More Italian Jokes

What did the Italian diver say when he saw an eel?

That's a moray!

What did the Mexican say to the Italian?

Que pasta

Cook Jokes

Where do cowboys cook their meals?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What's the hardest part of cooking vegetables?

Why was the chef afraid of cooking steaks on a plane?

How do feminists like their eggs cooked?

What mathematical cube can you cook with?

What is ez to cook?

Which pirate makes the best food?

What did the Officer say after arresting the crooked cook?

What do you call chickpeas cooked in a waffle iron?

What do you call a fish that likes to cook?

How do you cook toilet paper?

Your Age Is Only Math

What do you call a badly cooked beef?

What us the difference between white, brown and black people?

What will Russians be cooking for Thanksgiving...?

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

What do you call an Ape cooking a BBQ?

What's in Heaven and Hell?

How does a Syrian family have a meal?

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home?

How does one cook toilet paper?

Why is steak harder to cook than spinach?

Birthday State of Mind

How does captain hook cook pita bread?

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

Why do oysters enjoy being cooked?

How do you make German potato pancakes?

What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship?

Why can't short people cook?

How are bears related to cooking?

How do ghosts like their chicken cooked?

How do you turn chicken masala into chicken marsala?

Love Card

What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable?

Why could the chef not cook a tree branch?

Why can't the French cook two eggs?

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Why is Nixon a bad chef?

What are cooking for us today?

Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?

Why doesn't The Rock just tell us what he's cooking?

Why do cows think cooks are mean?

Why was the cook sad when all the water in his pot boiled away?

What did they do to the burger who thought he was a rooster?

What's the worst part of being a cook in prison?

Why couldn't the beaver cook his twigs?

What do you call chow mein cooked in tomato sauce?

How do you cook vegatables in the microwave?

Why don't we say Grace?

What happens when geese land in a volcano?

What do Chinese bears use to cook?

How was I supposed to know I wasn't supposed to cook the macaroni necklace?

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Whats the hardest part about cooking vegetable?

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

What did the cook say to the dough?

What does a black and white bear use to cook it's dinner?

What kind of Pop do you cook with?

Why did the Cook cross the road?

What can I get for you?

What do you call a steak that is cooked wrong?

Why make us select "cook" at all?

What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves?

How does a metalworker like his Steak cooked?

What do chefs do when they are cooking in an emergency?

What did the human torch say before he cooked the beef?

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

What's the hardest part to cook in a vegetable?

Why are you complaining?

What's the hardest part of making chicken fried steak?

Why is the cook worried about catching his runaway pig?

Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?

What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common?

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

What does a witch enjoy cooking most?

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

Why couldn't the hunter cook breakfast?