A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!
Nothing
A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.
The drunk driver goes through the stop sign, while the high driver waits for it to turn green.
Children don't throw tantrums when there's a rerun of some content.
Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.
One leg is both the same.
Ask them what a 3Ds is.
Timing
One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.
The taste.
Nothing they are both Thor.
God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.
Student - Well, I don't know. I guess one is a bit too high?
Snowballs.
You can't hear an enzyme.
Outlaws are wanted people
Attire.
Irradiated cats have 18 half-lives
Snow balls. Ha
In the Pro Bowl, they give ten percent.
When you run in front of a car you get tired. When you run behind a car you get exhausted.
We stopped Germany.
I asked for Pizza #KingOfjokes
Kevin still doesn't know.
A major difference.
You don't have electricians that are colour blind!
A camera has photos and a foot has five toes. (Told to me by a 9 year old child I work with)
Banana is yellow,dynamite is red
Stark industries has actually turned a profit
Question: What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? Answer: One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
One plays with an electric guitar, the other a-cue-stick.
You can't jelly someone into a wood chipper.
One's covered in soap bubbles, while the other's covered in Pope stubbles.
Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...
A knife has a point.
One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"
Nobody would name their band Pearl Jelly.
You would pay to have a potato on you...
About ten minutes.
You can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna!
Apart from the Spelling?
I dont know and I dont care.
You can't milk a cow for 15 years.
The people miss Harambe.
Humans miss Harambe.
One bursts into flames in the sunlight, and the other is a vampire.
Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a command.
The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatally different
One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.
Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.
They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.
If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.
Caribou can't fly.
The Nun has hope in her soul and the lady taking a bath has soap in her hole.
If you leave Yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
One composes, the other decomposes...
You can't tuna fish!
A jet engine stops whining after it lands
The extroverted mathematician looks at YOUR shoes when he's speaking to you.
The pencil has a point
Uranium gets to its half-life on time.
People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do.
No idea man, im just flying the drone.
About 20 beers!!
One connects to all your devices and access your data, one connects to all your devices and access your data.
This joke will be back someday
About 8 pints
A bad golfer goes "Damn!" A bad skydiver goes "Damn!"
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
A blues musician plays 3 chords to audiences of thousands. A jazz musician plays thousands of chords to audiences of 3
Eric Clapton never would have let his bag of coke fall out of a 49th-story window!
One has a coo, the other has a coup
Life eventually ends.
I haven't given up on my memes yet
Hillary got off Scott-free.
When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
In a football match, the best team wins.
One is still in the EU.
That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.
I never had a garbanzo bean in my mouth!
One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week
You only need one nail to hang the painting.
Ask him/her to pronounce unionized
Nothing if you're a gorilla.
You can sleep with a light on.
About 3 weeks.
I don't know you tell me.
The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!
Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.
What difference, at this point, does it make?
If you leave a pot of yogurt alone for 200 years it develops a culture.
One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.
Snowballs
A widow
Because those men have got Stable jobs.
Notice me sin()!!!
Jean-Luc Picardio
The Captains log
Shorts!
Starbucks
One's really fun to smash with a sledge-hammer and the other is just a watermelon
I'm sorry baby, we just cantaloupe.
The canoe tips.
So he could break out.
Treason
Their middle name.
Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
