Timing
Snowballs.
Jesus died on the cross
None, the beer should be open by the time she has brought it to you.
Cryptic code.
Three. One to post it, the second to post a better punchline in the comments, and the third to complain that it's a repost.
By posting it over and over on the same subreddit
Booo
A monkey. (p.s. I have a wonderful, terrible love for bad jokes)