What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

This joke may have profanity.
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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

What's the difference between a gun and a wife?

You can silence a gun.

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes.

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

Yours.

Lube Jokes More Lube Jokes

What do ghosts use for lube?

Rectoplasm...

How can you tell if you bought lube from Tumblr?

Because it Lubri-Can't Even!

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

What if my knees start to hurt?

Me to instructor: See what I'm up against

What do you call a computer that says hello to you when you start it up?

A Dell.

Slow Jokes More Slow Jokes

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant

Apply Jokes More Apply Jokes

What do "white privilege" and "severely mentally handicapped" have in common?

Both terms are almost universally misunderstood by the people to whom they apply.

What do a UT Austin student and a Texas A&ampM student have in common?

They both applied to UT Austin