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Smoke Jokes

What do you do when your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and apply lube

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Your Age Is Only Math

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

The one smoking the cigarette.

What's the water polo team's favorite song?

Smoke on the Water, because they are always getting roasted.

What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?

HIGH-SIS

What do you call someone who smokes two doobies at once?

Double jointed. What do you call someone who can smoke three at once? Dead. Don't do drugs.

What do you call a tree that smokes weed?

Snoop Log

Why did all of Britain stop smoking pot?

Because they all joined

What do you call a gorilla who magically smokes weed?

Hairy Potter.

What do you get when you smoke pot with a bee in a candy shop?

A sweet buzz!

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do graphic designers smoke up to get high?

Adobe.

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

What do you call someone who smokes two joints?

Double jointed.

What does a 16 year old girl say in West Virginia?

Get off me daddy, you're crushing my smokes

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

What do you end up with when your pig smokes pot?

Baked ham.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke. Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

What do you call a family in which everyone from grand parents to grand kids smoke weed?

Joint Family.

Why shouldn't ISIS be destroying ancient Mesopotamian buildings?

Because it's frowned upon in Islam to smoke ziggurats.

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

What happens when Turkeys get the common cold?

They quit smoking.

Who is the only one that has smoked as much weed as Wiz Khalifa?

Wiz Khalifa's tapeworm.

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What do Reptiles love to smoke?

Mariguana

Why don't midgets smoke weed?

Because they can't get high.

What is it called when Michael J. Fox smokes a joint?

Shake N' Bake.

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

What did the big chimmney say to the little chimmney?

Stop smoking. You are too young to smoke

What does a girl from Arkansas say when she loses her virginity?

Get off me paw, you're crushing my smokes.

What does one llama say to the other llama before the smoke some weed?

Alpaca bowl!!!

What is the difference between dragons and dinosaurs?

Dinosaurs aren't old enough to smoke. Told to me by my niece at Christmas.

How do you find out what's in an e-cigarette?

Just ask someone not to smoke it next to you.

Where do bears go after smoking some weed?

Hibearnation

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do ducks smoke?

Qwack

What did the old chimney say to the younger chimney?

You're too young to smoke!

What do you call a second hand gold necklace?

Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)

How many heroin addicts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to hold the lightbulb and three to smoke until the room starts spinning!

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

Yours.

What do you call a Rapper who smokes too much?

Tupac-aday

Why doesn't Rihanna smoke weed anymore?

Because she's taken enough hits.

What happened to Mr. Potato Head when he smoked weed?

He got baked.

How do you know when a cat's done cleaning itself?

It's smoking a cigarette.

What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?

Yours.

Why did the monkey put a bone in his mouth?

He wanted to smoke a joint!

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Why did the duck get arrested?

Because he was smoking quack!

How do you know when someone smokes weed?

Dont worry, they'll tell you.

Why kind of cigarettes do Hawaiians smoke?

Mahalo bro lights.

What do you call a piano composer that smokes?

Tarcoughski

What is Lil Jon's favorite flavor of BBQ?

Mesquite squite squite....Forgive me I'm freshly smoked.

How do you stop your children from smoking?

Slow down and use some lubricant.

Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline?

And when did my wife start smoking

What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed?

High definition

What does an Eskimo girl say before she is about to lose her virginity?

Careful Dad, don't squish my smokes.

Why would I want to quit smoking?

Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer

What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke?

Mmmph!) Meek &amp Milds!!!!:0

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

What do you call a Pokemon who is trying to quit smoking?

Vaporeon

Why shouldn't Spanish women smoke cigarettes?

You shouldn't smoke if your pregnant.

Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing?

To get some fresh air

How awesome were the 50s?

None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.

What happens when you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs

Why are cigarette taxes such a safe bet right now?

One way or the other, there's going to be a lot of smoking over the next four years.

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

Moo-dicinal

What do fish smoke?

Seewead

What type of weed are you allowed to smoke during Ramadan?

Tajweed

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?

For smoking in bed.

What does a girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity?

Careful, dad, or you'll crush my smokes.

What happens when you smoke pot in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned.

Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery?

He wanted to keep his spirits high.

What do you call it when you smoke weed and work out at the same time?

Getting all high and mighty

Where does Christopher Walken like to smoke cigars?

A Walken humidor.

What type of weed do lizards smoke?

Mariguana.

How long has your car been doing that?

Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

How do beekeepers keep their bees so chill?

They smoke them out.

How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

What is Harrison Ford called when he smokes weed?

Han So-high.

Why couldn't the duck stop smoking?

Because he was a quack addict

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

What do you call an alpacca that screams when it sees fire?

A smoke aLaama.

Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500?

Because

Why do people find Anne Frank so attractive?

Because she is smoking hot

What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

Han So-High

How do you know that someone likes to smoke weed?

Don't worry they'll tell you.

What do you call a group of IT guys that smoke meth?

Geek Squad

What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?

What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."

What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?

You're too young to be smoking!

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Why are frogs on the endangered species list?

Because they croak a lot!

What should you do if you get lots of e-mails saying 'What's up Doc?

What's up Doc ' Check for bugs in your system.

Candy Shop Jokes More Candy Shop Jokes

Why did Jesus go to a Candy shop?

To Test a Mint

What do you get when you smoke pot with a bee in a candy shop?

A sweet buzz!

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

What is the most popular Canadian poultry restaurant?

Chic-fil, eh

Why did the Canadian DJ turn down a gig at a local gym?

Because why MC, eh

Cheese Jokes More Cheese Jokes

Why wouldn't the mouse tell the police where he hid the cheese?

Because he's not a rat.

What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho cheese

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What do you call a group of poor homeless people that show up to a party?

Party paupers

What happened to the girl who went fishing with a group of men?

She returned home with a red snapper.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How old is your girlfriend?

She's52" "Haha, dude, she could be your mom!" "Yeah, actually it's yours"

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

What did Bob Marley say to his wife after he opened the fridge?

No, Woman, no pie.

Apply Jokes More Apply Jokes

Why wasn't the man considered attractive?

The laws of gravity didn't apply to him.

What did Apply say to the iPhone 7?

Hit the road, Jack.