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What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

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How long has your car been doing that?

Me: Hubs: The engine smoking at a stoplight Me: I dont know, I look at my phone at lights.

Why did the man smoke a cigarette in Beijing?

To get some fresh air

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How did the Mathematician cure his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil.

What did the apathetic philosopher doctor say?

Who cures?

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Why was Orlando Bloom sad when he realised he wasn't able to build small toy houses?

Because he was Legolas.

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..