Realise Jokes

Why was Orlando Bloom sad when he realised he wasn't able to build small toy houses?

Because he was Legolas.

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What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

What's your strongest weakness?

Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night!

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Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

Which word is the longest in the English language?

Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

What's the longest word in the dictionary?

Smiles" because there is a mile between each S!

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What do you call a tree if you don't know what kind of tree it is?

It's a mystery.

What did you hear about the tree who was in love?

He pined everyday.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand?

They think long and hard before they touch weiner.

What do you call a room with no walls?

A mushroom. Some people don't think that this is a joke. But it makes me rofl all over the place.

Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

What do you get when you mix an Insomniac a Dyslexic and an Agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog

Why is Hodor's real name Wylis?

Because everyone wonders what he's talkin' bout.

Smoke Jokes More Smoke Jokes

What type of weed do lizards smoke?

Mariguana.

What kind of cigarettes do California kids smoke?

Yours.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

How many yankees fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They'll just stand in the dark talking about how good the old one was.

What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?

3.99 a minute.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What did Snoop say Dr. Dre while binge watching their favorite TV show?

Are you ready for the next episode?

Where does the brown sugar go to watch a movie?

The Cinemon.

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What's the latest big thing to sweep across Japan?

The ocean.

Why do people always ask me for directions?

I have no clue where I am going. I am sure i have sent 100's of people into the ocean.