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Measure Jokes

How do computers measure pain?

Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

Your Age Is Only Math
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How do you measure how sad someone is?

With a blues scale

Why do rappers make bad carpenters?

Because they measure 5.5 to 6 inches as 8 to 13 inches.

How do you measure a snake?

In inches. Snakes don't have any feet.

What is Buddhism measured in?

Oooohms

Why do we call rulers "Your Highness"?

Because that's what they measure.

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

How do you measure a Lego minifigure's shoe size?

In square feet.

How do you measure love?

In hertz!

How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?

In square feet.

Love
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Love

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How do you measure how funny an electrical engineer is?

You use an o-silly-scope!

How do pirates measure rope?

In yarr'ds.

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

What's the biggest fish you ever caught?

That would be the one that measured fourteen inches...." "That's not so big!" "Between the eyes "

What do you call a scientist that measures things in space?

A cosmetrologist.

How do cows measure time?

In mooments

How do you measure pain?

In Hertz.

How do you measure a Villanova graduate's I.Q.?

With a tire gauge.

Why do we measure snakes in inches?

Because they don't have any feet!

Why are you prodding me with that ruler?

Im measuring your patience

I Love Pizza & You
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What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?

Both are measured in revolutions per minute.

What does a cow measure its harddrive in?

Moogabytes

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Lease Jokes More Lease Jokes

Why can't an angle lease an apartment alone?

Because he has to cosign

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

Why is Microsoft coming out with a windows 10 instead of 9?

Because 7 8 9

Why did the Addams have the late man arrested?

He was expected on Tuesday, but he came on Wednesday.

Snake Jokes More Snake Jokes

What's a good movie?

Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about " Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"

What do you call a snake that always hangs around its mom?

A momma's boa.

Bad Carpenter Jokes More Bad Carpenter Jokes

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

Why do rappers make bad carpenters?

Because they measure 5.5 to 6 inches as 8 to 13 inches.

Ancient Greek Jokes More Ancient Greek Jokes

Why were the ancient Greeks considered so brave on the battlefield?

They didn't want to leave their brothers behind.

What unit of measurement did the ancient greeks use to measure their crops?

Demeter.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes?

They looked both ways before they crossed.

What do you get if you cross a mosquito and a mountain climber?

No one knows. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

Ohm Jokes More Ohm Jokes

What's the difference between watts and ohms?

Watts are a unit of electrical energy. Ohms are where British people live.

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why did Heisenberg remove the speedometer from his car?

So he would stop getting lost everything he checked it.

Why planes are faster than car and buses?

Because they are almost never **tired**.