Distance Jokes

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine?

Sir" from a distance.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why did the fish cross the ocean?

Watching the National Geographic channel always makes me wonder how animals like fish manage to travel thousands of miles,and how they know where to go. Then I realised they can measure distances so well because they have their own scales.

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance, they looked like hare.

What did tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?

Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!

How did you travel such a distance so fast?

I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.

Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head?

From a distance they look like hares!

Why did the bald man draw rabbits on his head?

Because from a distance they looked like hares.

What distance say when velocity fell on top of him?

Ow, this really hertz.

Why do you hold your hand flat above your eyes when you look into the distance?

Because when you would cover your eyes with your hand, you wouldn't see sh*t. I'm lame.

Why did the physicist move across the street from the haunted graveyard?

To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.

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Mile Jokes More Mile Jokes

What's the longest word in the English language?

Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

Which word is the longest in the English language?

Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

Why does Mexico never get gold medals in Olympics?

Because all their swimmers, runners, and high jumpers are in USA.

What's better than winning a gold medal in the quadriplegic (crippled) Olympics?

Walking.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What has two legs and can't stand up?

Half a cat

What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your apple?

Finding half a caterpillar in your apple

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What does the man say when he walks into the bar?

Can I please get a drink

Where did AT&ampT get their 2007 slogan?

Ireland: More bars in more places

Skunk Jokes More Skunk Jokes

What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?

Odour in court!

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?

He stank to the bottom of the pool!

Measure Jokes More Measure Jokes

Why do we measure snakes in inches?

Because they don't have any feet!

How do cows measure time?

In mooments

Tarzan Jokes More Tarzan Jokes

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

To hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

What does Tarzan sing at Christmas?

Jungle Bells

Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What does an agnostic man with insomnia and dyslexia do in his free time?

He stays awake all night wondering if there's a Dog.