Hire Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why don't call centers hire alligators?

They can't croco-dial the phones.

Why was Mac OS X hired as the prison guard?

Because he kept locking up.

What do recent college graduates and felons have in common?

It takes three to five years before anyone will hire them.

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"

What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

URINE.

Why did they hire the police department to design a new superconductor?

STOP RESISTING!!!

How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter?

Ask them to pronounce "hires"

Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?

Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."

Why does hiring a ship illegally always cost $3.14?

Because theyre pi rates.

Why do donut shops not hire security?

Because Cops go there willingly. Free security and protection.

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Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God

Why did the company hire the glutton?

Because he was a ate professional!

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

Why won't Microsoft hire any maids?

Because they don't do Windows

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )

How do you think bus driver interviews go?

Applicant: Sorry I'm late! Interviewer: You're hired!

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?

An Apple turnover.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?

I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people......

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

How do you hire an elephant?

Stand it on four bricks!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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How do you go about hiring a horse?

Try two pairs of stilts!

What famous actor costs an arm &amp a leg to hire?

ARMold SchwarzenLEGger

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

How do you hire a horse?

Put a brick under each hoof!

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up?

He wanted to double his prophets.

How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?

He hires Santa's elves during the off-season.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

What are the two things someone with a face tattoo never hears?

You're hired" "Not guilty"

What do you get when you hire an owl to babysit your kids?

A real hootenanny!

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What does it mean when the Post Office flag is flying at half-staff?

They are hiring.

How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

How do you hire a teddy bear?

Put him on stilts!

How many James Pattersons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but he'll just hire a ghostwriter to do it for him.

Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes?

Could they not hire taller dancers

Why did the blond get fired from the boomerang factory?

She threw away all the bent ones. Why did she get re-hired They all came back.

Why was Tom Cruise hired by Volkswagen?

Emission Impossible

Why did the TSA hire a dentist?

To help with the cavity searches

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Lock Jokes More Lock Jokes

How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

Why can't redditors sew?

Because the thread has been locked by a moderator

Recruiter Jokes More Recruiter Jokes

How can you tell between a graphic designer and recruiter?

Ask them to pronounce "hires"

Fbi Agent Jokes More Fbi Agent Jokes

What do FBI agents grill for the 4th of July?

Hillary.

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"

Artist Jokes More Artist Jokes

What do you call someone who discriminates against paintings?

An artist.

Who's the artist you find in the supermarket?

Salvador Deli

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What does a pirate call three feet?

A YAAAARRRRGGGG!! Oh look a door.

What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why was the blonde so happy after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only six months?

Because on the box it said From 2 to 4 years.

What did the two story house say to its friend after it had just finished working out, and it's friend invited I to a party?

I'm two tiered. I came up with this at 1am, enjoy.

Fbi Jokes More Fbi Jokes

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

Why couldn't the police arrest the robber on the second floor?

Because he took the stairs.

What nickname did the police give to the new blonde woman police officer?

A fair cop.