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People Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science?

Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?

Claustrophobic

What do you call a theme park where people go to have selfies with chickens?

Pout-ry farm..

What do you call people that you hate?

Clouds, because once they are gone it's a beautiful day.

What do me an Kanye West have in common?

When I rant as much as that people boo me too.

What do maimed people drink at 5PM?

An amputea

What do you call a president who interrupts people?

Donald Tr- WRONG!

Why do people never see an Apple store getting robbed?

It doesn't have windows.

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted people

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How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?

A mist conception.

What does "IDK" mean?

I keep asking people, but they don't know either.

How do people with injured hands commute to work?

Carpool tunnels

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

How are crayons like people?

The white ones are usually pretty pointless

Why are TV's attracted to people?

Because we turn them on. / /

Why do people admire pirates so much?

They have nerves of steal.

What do you call someone pretending to nice to people just to get upvotes?

Karma chameleon

Why do some people cough alot?

Because they drink to much coughee.

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Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares their dogs too much

Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why are there walls around a cemetery?

Because people are dying to get in.

What's the difference between the people and bullets?

The people miss Harambe.

Why are cemeteries surrounded with walls?

Because people are dying to get in there.

Why did the feminist's bakery go out of business?

She told people to stop patronizing her.

How do cats speak to people?

They commeownicate.

What would people call Ryan Lochte if he went to jail?

Ryan Locht-up

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

People laughed, because it was a good joke.

Why did SJWs call out Medusa?

She kept objectifying people.

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Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

Why can't your jokes ever make NRA members laugh?

Because jokes don't make people laugh, people make people laugh.

What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?

People from Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but people from Abu Dhabi do

What do anime ghosts say to scare people?

Weeaboo

Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

Because they're constant in a pool.

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

It was Pirated.

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why do people take such an instant dislike to Ted Cruz?

It saves so much time.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What is not a truck crashing into people?

Nice.

What do people and trees have in common?

They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What do people in Arkansas do for Halloween?

Pump kin.

What does Apu say when people leave him to browse reddit?

Thank you, Karma gain

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to get in.

Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.

Why do people who drink milk struggle to walk?

Because they lactose.

What is the main reason people are voting for Brexit?

When asked if they want to be economically joined with Greece, all they can say is "eeeeuuuuuuu"

What do you call something that makes fun of people and can fly?

A mocking bird!

Why are stick people extinct?

Because you can't rub two sticks together you get fire.

What do people from the 1930's and /r/news jokes have in common?

They're both old.

What do you call people who use the pull out method?

Parents

What do the people of Skyrim use to exercise?

A Nordic Track.

What do you call a large group of people who spit on others?

The Salivation Army.

Why don't people tell Chemistry jokes?

Because they never get a reaction.

What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

The people in Dubai don't watch the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabidoooo!

Why did Thor not invite many people to his brother's wedding?

Because it was Low key

Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker?

They have to take ACE inhibitors.

Why aren't people afraid to submit reposts?

Because there's no karma involved.

Why do so many people like Harry Potter?

It's a charming story.

Why are popcorn just like people?

Everything is fine as long as they are white, it is when they turn black it starts to be a problem.

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(

Why do people carry around umbrellas?

Because they can't carry themselves

How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.

Why do you need to take notes during jokes?

Joke was supposed to be this: Why do you need to take notes during church? because the peoples of noah's day, "took no note".

How do you win an election?

By having people believe that you've won an election.

Why the turnout at Michael Jackson's funeral?

He touched a lot of people.

How do you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

One of them makes crack while the other just markets it.

How can you determine which of two people is a chemist and which is a plumber?

You ask them to pronounce unionize.

Why do people in tumblr like quantum computing?

Because it's non binary

What do people do for a party itinerary in the Jersey Shore?

Gym.Tan.Laundry.

Who is this "one"?

And why is he always arguing with people?

How do people at rodeos heckle the riders?

Moooo!

What musical instrument do people with STDs play?

The herpsichord.

What do people store their fondest memories in?

A nostaljar.

How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb?

As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb.

What do people call Miley Cyrus in Europe?

Kilometery Cyrus

Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but they'd have to be really small.

How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.

What's the difference between Superman and Super Delegate?

The first one saves people from criminals, while the latter saves criminals from the people.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

Why did so many people support the colonist protest of tea?

Cause everyone wanted'a "boo" tea!

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So people don't confuse them for feminists.

Why don't people drink pig's milk?

Because its a bit too sow...

Why do people with OCD like Family Feud?

Because it's always black and white.

How many people with OCD does it take to fix a lightbulb?

Only one, but they have to turn it on and off 50 times before they're sure it's fixed.

What happened when fire and the wheel were invented?

People got lit and turnt.

What do people with memory loss and posters on r/jokes have in common?

They both say the same jokes over and over again.

Why do people in Afghanistan air dry after they shower?

Because of the towel ban

Who do people hate and love but is really hot and goes to beach everyday?

Sun of a beach

What's the difference between people on Reddit and dead people?

Dead people had lives.

Why are people at Star Wars conventions so happy?

Because of the Endor-fans.

Why do some people dislike twitch chat?

It's just not their Kappa tea

What is it good for?

Some people say "nothing", but my stock portfolio's looking promising.

What do people do when a chemist dies?

They barium.

Who is the best Podracer in Star Wars?

Michael Chewbacca EDIT: Some people don't get the joke..... Michael schumacher is a F1 race car driving legend.

What's the one thing pacifism and Hinduism have in common?

Those who practice them don't want any beef with people.

Why are people who vape always trying to chase after bigger clouds?

More storage space.

What do you call people who worship paper bags?

Sack religious

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Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

Why is there no 'Hot girls' guide to getting laid'?

My phone number won't fill up an entire book.

How can working with cow hide help on a first date?

As if she's going to lay there and be swayed by some new buck.

Study Jokes More Study Jokes

Where's Brian?

Me: studying her closely He's... right here

What do you call the study of Japanese sound?

Yakuztics

Flintstone Jokes More Flintstone Jokes

What would you call the Flintstones if they were black in 2015?

The Flintstones.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?

People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooooo.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What do you get when you cross a pig with an elephant?

A very large animal that knows a lot of jokes.

Why don't kleptomaniacs get jokes?

Because they take everything literally.

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

Why did God invent economists?

So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

Reddit Jokes More Reddit Jokes

What's the difference between reddit and a fish?

Fish are cool

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

Black People Jokes More Black People Jokes

What's something white people can call other white people but black people can't call other black people?

Dad.

Why did all the Black people move to Detroit?

Because they heard there were no jobs there.

Colorado Jokes More Colorado Jokes

What do you call a potato from Colorado?

A baked potato

Why should the lower 48 states be the lower 46?

Because Washington and Colorado aren't low, they're quite high!