What does Apu say when people leave him...

What does a math teacher say when they leave?

Calc-U-LATER

Why did Bill Gates get sick?

Because he left the Windows open.

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

People Jokes More People Jokes

When people say "May I ask who's calling?

I like to say "Sure, go ahead."

Why did the tumblrina quit being a teacher?

It wasn't her job to educate people.

Reddit Jokes More Reddit Jokes

Why do Fencers avoid posting on reddit?

They are afraid of the Reposte.

What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common?

They all went down on a President.

Karma Jokes More Karma Jokes

What should a redditor receive after a terrible joke?

Karma. (Please forgive me)

How many X does it take to lightbulb?

Karma?

Gain Jokes More Gain Jokes

What does a stock broker and a gym rat have in common?

NEED MORE GAINS

How did robbers gain entry to steal from Miley Cyrus?

They came in like a wrecking ball.

Apu Jokes More Apu Jokes

Why was Homer Simpson in such a rush to get to the Kwik-E-Mart?

He desperately needed Apu.