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Change Jokes

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb?

The answer may shock you.

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How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, or two? One, or two?

How many stockholders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a hardware problem.

How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams "REPOST"

How many Gordon Ramseys does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, he lets the knives do the work

How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't need a lightbulb when I have the furnace ready.

What do you call someone who promises change but ends up burning millions of undesirables?

Sean Murray and PS4 users

How many bronze players do you need to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't climb the ladder.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

What room is it?

When you arrive at the international airport you are American. There is a room that changes your nationality. When you enter this room you are Russian, when you leave this room you are Finnish, and while inside European. What room is it?

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How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?

Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change.

How many 'Suh Dudes' does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Its already lit, fam.

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?

When the color of the license plates start to change.

How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they can't climb the ladder.

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

How many Hillary supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. cmon, they'd much rather be kept in the dark.

Which country will be the first to change to all electric vehicles?

Madagascar

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?

You weren't there, man!

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

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How many stream cleaners does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sorry, they can only change the floor essence.

How many IT professionals does it take to change a lightbulb?

Have you tried turning it off and back on?

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't change anything.

How many Pollyanna's does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. It's too dark.

How many Bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

None cuz it's already lit af

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Can't be done, it's a hardware problem.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

How many data wranglers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they need a backup.

How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One

How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, that's what students are for.

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How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.

How many rainbows does it take to change a lightbulb?

The white amount.

What do politicians and diapers have in common?

Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Change??

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

Why don't Americans like their dollar coin?

They're afraid of change.

How many indie kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None because There is A Light That Never Goes Out.

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb?

Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years.

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in and one to take credit for it.

Why shouldn't you change around a Pokemon?

Because he might peek at chu.

How many reposters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but they have to steal it first.

How many Pokmon does it take to change a light bulb?

Not sure, gotta catch them all first!

What's the difference between Britain and Australia?

When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse.

How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the ladder and one to screw your mother - I mean light bulb!

What if UK's politician changes the lightbulb?

He Brexit!

Why did Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson have to change his diet?

Because his nutritionist said he had too many minerals in his system!

What did the other traffic light say to the other traffic light?

Don't look! I'm changing!

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Salmon

How many pollsters does it take to change a light bulb?

One, plus or minus one.

How many feminists does it take to change a light-bulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

What begins with S, ends with X and will change your life?

Smallpox

How many Dragonball characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes him 20 episodes.

How many Hal 9000 computer systems does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I cannot do that

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A fish

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb?

Lets go play on our bikes.

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.

How many TSA agents does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. TSA agents only know how to remove clothes putting them on is different matter completely.

How many nuclear war survivors does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. People who glow in the dark don't need lightbulbs.

How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

About 8000

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

How many girlfriends does it take to change a light bulb?

It has to change for itself.

How many activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

What is 50 Cent's guiding philosophy?

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Why do traffic lights turn red?

You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

How many dead memes does it take to change a light bulb?

Over 9000.

How many heretics does it take to change a lightbulb?

We're not sure, they've yet to see the light.

Why did Kyle Crane have to change the lightbulb?

Because he had a dying light

How many children does it take to change a light bulb in America?

About 1 thousand Iraqis.

How many pepes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero.

How many acrobats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and one to yell "Ta-daa!" when he's done.

How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?

Juan.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but only if the lightbulb really to change.

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb?

Look a squirrel!

What did the surgeon tell Michael Jackson before he changed his skin colour?

Everything's gonna be all white.

What's the difference between feminism and a $100 bill?

A $100 bill makes change

How does Donald Drumpf change a lightbulb?

He doesn't. He hires people with long fingers to do it for him.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

1 or 2? 1... or 2...

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb should be willing to change.

Why did the Pentagon change it's name to the square?

Because they were cutting corners.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Why couldn't the physicists change the lightbulb?

Too much work.

What do you call a person that ran away but changed their minds?

Canteloupe

How many out of date redditers does it take to change a light bulb?

OVER 9000

What do you call a guitar that has completely changed parts?

Trans-Fender.

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't care. You pick

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

How many sovereign citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're too afraid of the electricity.

Why do you have to pee so quickly after you start drinking beer?

Because it doesn't have to stop off to change color!

How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?

Need to know ASAP.

Why do you always see beggars at protests?

They're always looking for some sort of change!

How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven - one to actually change the bulb and six to complain that they liked the old one better.

How many metal heads does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Darkness foreverrrr!

How many atheists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They don't believe in a higher power.

Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.

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How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None: Taureans don't like to change anything.

How many surrealist painters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fish. I got this from bash.org a long time ago, but I can't find the original post, so have this

Religious People Jokes More Religious People Jokes

Why are religious people afraid of Trigonometry?

Cos they are afraid of Sin

What do you call a social media platform designed for religious people who also have speech impediments?

Faithbook

Peta Member Jokes More Peta Member Jokes

How many PETA members does it take to change light bulb?

None, PETA can't change anything.

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They can't change anything.

Marine Jokes More Marine Jokes

Why are marines who can't swim better?

They defend the ship with way more enthusiasm.

What do you call a US Marine with an IQ of 70?

General

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why won't you read this joke?

Cause you've already reddit!

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

Compliment Jokes More Compliment Jokes

How do you compliment a pickle rapper's verse?

That was dill!

Why was the binary number so happy?

Because of two's compliment!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after!

What's the deal with my laptop?

I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What did Einstein text to his friend who he'd see tomorrow?

E=MC U L8R

What's it like to have a social life?

Asking for a friend.