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Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

Why do Santas elves take forever to finish making toys?

Because they are always a little behind

What's the difference.... Between my girlfriend and santa?

Some people actually believe santa exist.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

Why "hooters"?

Who decided breasts looked like owls They were wrong.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

Why do you need patience at the gym?

Because there is a lot of weighting. *sorry. i woke up at 2 am with this in my head.

What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights?

Hypertrophy!

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why should I hire you?

Because I have pictures of you with a goat

Gain Jokes More Gain Jokes

How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight?

You fit into his clothes.

How do you get an anorexic to gain 25 pounds?

Marry her.

Jared Jokes More Jared Jokes

How did Jared lose 30 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

What's Jared from Subway's favorite chord?

A flat minor

Mall Jokes More Mall Jokes

What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall?

Ulta Magnus!

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.