Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

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Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What do you call a child who doesn't believe in Santa?

An eggnogstic

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why are you studying your Easter candy?

I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

Weight Jokes More Weight Jokes

What did the scale say when it was going to drop a fresh mixtape?

Weight on it.

How do you do it?

Me- "It's easy, I just gain weight."

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why did the recruiter hire a Spider?

Q: Why did the recruiter hire a Spider? A: Because he wanted to hire a Strong "Web Developer".

How do you hire an elephant?

Stand it on four bricks!

Gain Jokes More Gain Jokes

What is worse than blacking out after a crazy night and losing money?

Blacking out and gaining money.

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Jared Jokes More Jared Jokes

What's the difference between Jared from Subway's gut and his junk?

He prefers his gut when it's down 45 pounds, and his junk when it's up 45 pounds.

What's Jared's favorite side dish?

Megan slaw

Mall Jokes More Mall Jokes

What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall?

Ulta Magnus!

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.