Decide Jokes

What did the Special Needs Rowing Team decide to call themselves?

Oartism

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

A midwife crisis.

Why did the chicken decide not to cross the road?

Because it did.

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

Why did the storm trooper decide to buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the right droid he was looking for.

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

Why did the acronym buff decide to go join the etymologists instead?

He heard they had PIE.

Why did the fisherman decide to go fishing?

For the halibut.

What made Bruce decide against Jacqueline for his new name?

He was afraid his nickname would be Jockie.

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

How do cities decide who gets to be in charge of wastewater management?

They hold a runoff election.

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.

Why did two ferrets decide to meet?

They were trying to start a business.

What does the rude barista say to the customer in a coffee shop?

I cant decide whether you are a fruitcake or a doughnut!

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian?

Cuz they got tired of Stalin.

What's your excuse?

Well my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!

Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?

They'd read in the newspaper that one out of every five babies born in the world today is Chinese.

Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why did the prison board decide to build the new prison out of concrete?

The old one was made of steal.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Why did Burger King decide to partner with Dairy Queen instead of McDonalds?

Because she unwrapped his Whopper. I'm so sorry!!!

Which kid is mine?

I like to reply "I haven't decided yet."

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept?

How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.

Why are you studying your Easter candy?

I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!

Why did the entrepreneur decide to go into the landfill business?

He heard it was a growing field.

Why did Superman dump Lois for Wonder Woman?

He decided he wanted to date someone in the same League.

Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels?

Because the cons outweighed the prose.

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

When Bruce decides to do stand-up, what will his stage-name be?

Penny Bruce

What did Schwarzenegger say when deciding which composer to be for Halloween?

I'll be Bach.

What did The Terminator say when he decided to take up piano?

I'll be bach.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What did the fast food employee do when he decided to quit?

He chicken tendered his resignation.

How many bitter Hillary Clinton supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, we've decided to let a man do the job.

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Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section?

Half a measure.

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What did the banana say to the orange?

Fruit can't talk

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

What do you use when you are drowning in women?

A flirtation device.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What's in front of a woman and in the back of a cow?

The W. Yeah my dad just busted this joke on me.

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Where Did it go?

Where did that list of dark jokes posted this morning go? Iv looked everywhere.

Why should we hire you?

Me: Well, if you hire me, I will make all of your other employees look FANTASTIC by comparison.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What is the name of the martial arts discipline that the anime girl that you are in love with practices?

Wai fu.

What's a parrot's favourite song?

I love Parrots in the Springtime!

Sushi Jokes More Sushi Jokes

What do you calls sushi in Serbia?

Nishikori

What is the name of the restaurant chain that serves sushi burritos?

Japotle.