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What's your excuse?

Well my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!

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World Jokes More World Jokes

What did the bad shock tell the good shock?

I'm bad under pressure!! It's the lamest car joke in the world.

What's the most dangerous animal in the world?

A Bluebird with a Tommy Gun.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to assure that everything possible is being done about the situation and the other one to screw it into the faucet.

How many Amish people does it take to change a lightbulb?

A what?

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did the fisherman decide to go fishing?

For the halibut.

Why did the scale decide that the scam artists were heavier than the novels?

Because the cons outweighed the prose.

Excuse Jokes More Excuse Jokes

How long is a China-man?

Excuse the question mark, "How Long" is in fact a China man.

What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court?

Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself.

Settle Jokes More Settle Jokes

Why was Herbert Hoover such a controversial president?

Because he never let the dust settle.

Where do rabbits settle their legal disputes?

In a pellet court!

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

What did the sheep obsessed convict say to Jared Fogle?

I have a footlong waiting for **ewe** back in my cell!!!!