Dad jokes.
He couldnt Mufasa enough.
They don't get better with age
I never had a dad to tell me any.
Son: "nice try, a chair!" Dad: "Nope. Our dog just died."
I don't know, but my Dad said it was a mistake.
Baghdad!
This joke will be back someday
Dad: Because your mother put her heart and soul into it.
Dad jokes
Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!
Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.
Names. Because they used to laugh and call him Names. Credit to my dad.
Treason
How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on Thanksgiving)
Baghdad
Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.
A potato.
Data!
Two. One to put it in and one to complain that he never screws anything anymore.
Mufasa!
Rastafriedrice
Dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."
Sorry, the punchline is the joke. If you don't get it, ask your dad.
At the end, they get a bag of chips and a Coke. -My dad told me this joke when we went to a race-
Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing.
I didnt have either growing up
Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders. (why yes, I am a dad why do you ask)
Well my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down!
In their dadabase.
Pop-cycle
She named him Oedipus.
Because it was cheesier said than done.
My 3-year-old asked as she woke me from a nap by poking me in the eye.
If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy
Dad: A man is who loves unconditionally, cares about you and protects you. Kid: When i grow up, I'll be a man like mom
Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof
With its buccaneers!
Memories of your dad leaving you are in 30fps
Because his dad couldn't Mufasa 'nuff
The hip replacement guy. /dad
Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions
A chunky. Credit to my dad this morning..
You were born in a car. Now go fetch your sister, Hospitaldaughter. It's time for tablemeal.
A tattoo with dad
Dad: yea sure yells up to me son, you live with this guy now!
Cat gut.
Ask your dad.
The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) No I am not a dad
We're raising mashed potatoes.
Because my dad has been gone for 13 years looking for them.
You don't know what to say until you wife reply's (idk go ask you dad.) what do you say My little joke
In a moooo-tel.
Amburgers & Woot Beer! Edit: Thanks to my dad for this one.
Thanks for sediments
I've never seen or heard from either of them.
Mom and Dad.
The baby and the dad.
Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!
His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"
The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!" "Not this time son, our dog is dead"
Johnny", responds his dad, " I neither know nor care." Edit: granma grammar.
Dad: We used to keep useless information to ourselves.
It's your dad.
Bear: "Gin............ and tonic." Bartender: "Why the big pause " Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too."
Son:We'll see Son:how does the turkey smell Dad: I guess through its Beak
Dads in unison DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT
Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.3:Me:3: Is my middle name a swear word
The swine flu.
Say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.
Waba Fett
Dad: Just chilling homie, what's up with you!
What son *Dad cries with joy
Kid: My dad He's an actor Me: Why Couldn't you get a real dad
I have no-eye-deer! (Unless you're a dad, you may need to sound it out)
Hamster.
I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T. Really - Ours only starts with gas.
Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I told them nothing!!!
Me: Oh, that was Denise. Dad: Oh, da' niece I thought it was da' nephew. Buh dum tsssssssss
And the dad says: 'Wealth is caviar, champagne and women. Poverty is hot pocket, beer and your mother!'
For the pun of it.
Yep, people are just dying to get in there
I don't think they'll fit me.
A Popsicle.
A zip.
The p is silent.
Because he'll peek-at-chu!
His vision was based on movements.
Cheese Was! some old guy came up to me on the street and told me this one.
A tray shaped dinosaur. Credits go to the wife for that one! She still giggles when she tells it.
To observe spooky action at a distance! Thank you, I'll be here all week.
So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!
What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?
Jesus
It's holey! get it
When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)
He had a lot of aspirations.
Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.
Open the door. Put in the elephant. Close the door.
