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Paint Jokes

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Birthday State of Mind
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Birthday State of Mind

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What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

How many babies does it take to paint a house?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree? They're pretty good at it.

What's a racists favorite song by The Rolling Stones?

Paint it, black!

What did the painter say to the paint can?

A lot of good you are. (the joke is that the paint can is empty)

What's the difference between Jesus and the painting of the Last Supper?

You only need one nail to hang the painting.

How to you get rid of the dandelions on your lawn?

Paint one of them black the others will move away.

How did Mr Cheese paint his wife?

He Double Gloucester.

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

Your Age Is Only Math
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Your Age Is Only Math

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What is the difference between a painting and Jesus?

A painting only need one nail to hang

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

What paint is most popular in modern buildings?

Microsoft Paint

How does a tauren hide in a cherry tree?

He paints his hooves red.

Whats the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes 1 nail to hang the painting.

Why did the elephant paint his balls green?

To hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados

Why did the elephant paint its nails red?

So it could hide in the strawberry patch.... Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No? See, it worked!

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?

What makes the loudest noise in the jungle?

What is the difference between paint and a midgets' underpants?

When you sniff paint, you get high

Why did the painting go to jail?

It was framed.

Everyday Deserves a Joke
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Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What would you have if all autos in the US were painted pink?

A Pink Car Nation!

How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

How did the zebra get its stripes?

Not many people know this, but zebras arent actually born with stripes. There is actually an entire industry of people called zebra painters who go around painting black stripes on zebras. This is done so zebras arent confused with albino donkeys.

Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

Why did the elephant paints it's toes red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree.

What do post-impressionist painters sing when painting a Frozen landscape?

Let it Gogh!

How do you catch a green elephant?

Paint him red and catch him with the red elephant trap.

How do you prevent a canoe from tipping?

Paint it black.

How do you hide a elephant in a cherry tree?

Paint it's balls red. Howed Tarzan die Picking cherries.

Why do people paint eggs for Easter?

Bunnies squirm too much.

We've Got This Love Thing Down
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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Why are your nails painted two different colors?

Daughter: Dad. It's an accent color. Dad: ... Dad: Can I hear it

What have men and spray paint in common?

One squeeze and they're all over you.

How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?

Paint an endzone on it.

What's a Jamaican's favorite brand of paint?

Benjammin Moore mon

Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green?

It was Saint Patrick's Day.

What do communists do on May Day?

Paint the town red.

What's red and smells like paint?

Red paint

Why did the monster paint himself in rainbow colors?

Because he wanted to hide in the crayon box.

Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.

Why is a Boston painting school so special?

Because everyone there is ahtistic.

When is paint free?

When it's on the house.

How did the artist paint a picture?

Easel-y.

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

How does a dark-skinned boy have light-skinned hands?

Because paint! -my four-year-old daughter.

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree!

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

How does someone pay for a painting?

With Monet

Why did the remorseful child-molester paint his toe-nails?

He thought it would be a pedicure. sorry.

Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?

He wanted to check his e-mail.

What's the difference between a nail and a painting?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

What is the difference between a refrigerator and a one foot tall man painting the side of a house?

On a quantum level, there is no difference.

What did the painting on the wall say to the cop?

I've been framed!

How does a blond, get revenge on her blond boyfriend?

She paints a target icon around the outlet.

What did Julius Caesar ask when finding a color to paint the Senate?

Ecru, Brute

How many pollocks does it take to paint a house?

1 to hold the brush and 1000 to turn the house!

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?

Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in strawberry patches.

Why aren't you charging me for the paint?

They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

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Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus Play Hockey???

Because he doesn't want to be nailed to the boards.

What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?

A hula hoop with a nail in it.

Red Paint Jokes More Red Paint Jokes

What does blue paint taste like?

Exactly like red paint!

What's clear and smells like red paint?

Chloroform.

Dry Jokes More Dry Jokes

What's beef jerky?

Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's.

What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?

Some will know this some won't It's a towel

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Whats the difference between a North Korean missile and a K-Pop singer?

The singer can have a hit

Why does Peter Pan fly?

Because if someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly too!!

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Why is Thors bother so secretive?

Because he tries to keep things Loki...

Whats the first thing you do when you spill something on your keyboard?

Try to disable sticky keys.

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him?

URINE.

Why will the artist formerly know as Prince only hire former FBI agents as his house maids?

Because they must be able to "dust for Prince"

Tarps Jokes More Tarps Jokes

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garabonzo bean?

I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere.

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

Roller Jokes More Roller Jokes

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?

The roller ghosted.

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun