Plan Jokes

What did the asteroid say when his trajectory missed earth?

I guess I didn't plan it very well!

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Why is moving to Canada always plan B?

Canada deserves to be plan eh.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Why was Pluto's child unexpected?

Because it didn't plan it.

What did one architect say to the other?

I see the floor in your plan.

Why did the melon plan a big elaborate wedding?

Because he cantaloupe.

How do you foil a plan?

P + l)(a + n)=pa+pn+la+ln

What do you call a planned organised rebellion gone wrong?

A "coup d'isaster".

What are you planning on doing on MLK day?

Her: I plan on sleeping all day Me: ...Why Her: I want to have dreams too

How do astronomers plan a party?

They planet.

Why do melons always have well planned weddings?

They can'telope!

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How many NBA finals does Lebron plan on losing?

Not 1 not 2 not 3 not 4 not 5 not 6 not 7

How do you make God laugh?

Tell him your plans.

Why is it so easy to make plans with a gymnast?

Because their schedules are so flexible.

How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School?

Just planning ahead...

What's being in love feel like?

You know when someone cancels plans you wanted to cancel anyway Almost as good as that.

How does NASA plan a party..?

They planet.

What happened to the plan of starting a book club?

It got shelved.

How do astronauts plan a party?

They planet. (Plan-et)

What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus.. Wife: What do you mean Husband:I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!!

Why did the melons plan a big wedding?

Because they cantaloupe!

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Stalin Jokes More Stalin Jokes

Why did the Cold War never happen?

Because Joseph was Stalin.

Why was Stalin a Bad leader?

Because he was staling a country that was rushing..(Russia) This joke was bad. Im going to bed now.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why couldn't Luke get any sleep?

Because the Force Awakens

Why do sailors drink so much?

We sleep better when the room is moving

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What do you need to make a crystal salad?

Onions, tomatoes, and a whole bunch of lattice

What does a bro say when asked if he needs help doing a magic trick?

Nah brah, tadah brah!

Tarps Jokes More Tarps Jokes

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

5 Year Plan Jokes More 5 Year Plan Jokes

Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans?

Cuz they were stalin'!

Why didint Stalin like his new IPhone?

It had a 5 year plan

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

What do you get when you mix an Insomniac a Dyslexic and an Agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog