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How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

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House Jokes More House Jokes

What did the hippie say when I asked him to leave my house?

Nah, I'm-a stay.

When is the most likely time that a stray dog will walk into your house?

When the door is open!

Driveway Jokes More Driveway Jokes

Where are the groceries?

ME: Bacon was on sale. WIFE: Oh god, what does that mean *sound of dump truck backing into driveway*

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his driveway?

Because he was snowed in.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

How do zombies celebrate Halloween?

They paint the town dead!

Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

So he could hide in the cherry tree!