Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common?

Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What dinosaur knows the most words?

Thesaurus.

What did one mandarin say to the other mandarin?

I don't know, I don't speak Mandarin.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the difference between this morning and your wife?

I'm not coming in *this morning*

Why are there broken condoms on the couch?

Wife: Would you please call our children by their names!

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold?

The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) No I am not a dad

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What do you call an awkward questioner?

I don't KNOW, that's why I **asked** you. God.

What did the pot-smoking alien say when asked what toppings he wanted on his sammich?

Ayy lil' mayo.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

How do you cut a turd into 5 pieces?

Squish it in your hand.

What has 5 eyes?

Invisibility

Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

What is Rickon Stark's favourite band?

One Direction.