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How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

How did the blonde burn her nose?

Bobbing for French fries.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What's the difference between your mama and a washing machine?

The washing machine doesn't follow me around for a week after I dump a load in it.

What is the difference between a girl and a washer?

The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey?

Nuked

What will Putin be having for Thanksgiving dinner?

Turkey.

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

Why was the Turkey v Germany match called off?

There were too many fowls.

Who doesn't like Turkey?

Russia.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

Because that's the direction his car was sliding.

What's the difference between Futurama and One Direction?

There's only one Bender in Futurama

20 Minute Jokes More 20 Minute Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?

20 minutes, thermostat 8.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

What weighs 35 tons has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?

Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

What do you call a lamington that weighs a lot?

A lamingTON!

Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes More Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!