How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?

Yes, son. Love is terrible. "No Mom, I said LAVA." Oh. You maybe can survive that one.

What did Mr. Burns bring to the pot luck?

Eggsalad

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

What does my mom and a turkey have in common?

They both died on Thanksgiving

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

Where does a Turkey live?

A coup.

What do chicken, beef and Russia have in common?

They are all against Turkey

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

How can you tell that a straight pin is confused?

Just look at it. It's headed in One Direction and pointed in the other.

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

20 Minute Jokes More 20 Minute Jokes

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

What does a fresh egg say when you try to hardboil it?

It'll take me about 20 minutes to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

How much does a truck full of bones weigh?

A skeleTon

Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?

He wanted to see how much the milky weighed!

Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes More Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!