How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years.

Why did the hipster burn himself?

Because he played with fire before it was cool.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What country always follows Zimbabwe?

Zimbab-Bee!

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they hate Turkey

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

How do you know Putin is late for Thanks Giving?

He's Russian to Turkey.

What country uses the most foul language?

Turkey

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude?

Vector Hugo.

Why does it take 100 million sperms to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't stop to ask directions.

20 Minute Jokes More 20 Minute Jokes

How are you?

Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

What part of a fish weighs the most?

It's scales!

What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything?

King Kong's shadow.

Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes More Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!