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How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

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Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How did the blonde burn her ear?

The telephone rang while she was ironing.

How Many Business Analysts Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

None. The light bulb shall never burn out. (OK. It's more cathartic than funny...)

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What is the difference between my girlfriend and a washing machine?

After I dump my load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around.

How do you find Will Smith in winter?

You follow the Fresh Prince

Thanksgiving Jokes More Thanksgiving Jokes

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

Turkey Jokes More Turkey Jokes

What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease?

Turkey Jerky

What does a turkey do when he flies upside down?

He gobbles up.

Direction Jokes More Direction Jokes

What direction does a Walter White-themed GPS tell you to turn?

Goddamn right.

Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude?

Vector Hugo.

20 Minute Jokes More 20 Minute Jokes

What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby?

20 minutes, thermostat 8.

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

What soup weighs the most?

Wanton soup. I'll leave now.

How do you get an elephant in to a plastic bag?

First you take the 'T' out of 'Tesco', what do you get Esco. Then you take the 'F' out of 'Weigh', what do you get

Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes More Thanksgiving Turkey Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted