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Follow Jokes

Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?

Because he doesn't like being followed.

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What is a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir/Ma'am, We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

How many Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just watch it burn out and follow it around for 30 years.

How do you find a drug dealer donkey?

Just follow his coke mules.

Why did the dyslexic, Russian astronomer hate the revolution?

He was following the Tsar.

What's the difference between a blonde and a washer?

When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week.

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.

How do you find Will Smith in winter?

You follow the Fresh Prince

How many dead-heads does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just let it burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Why are softball games so hard to follow?

Because everyone secretly plays for the other team.

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

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Why is it called Justice League of America?

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

Why do nuns always travel in pairs?

Because one nun follows the other nun to make sure that nun doesn't get none.

What's in a Paul Walker shot?

An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball

What country always follows Zimbabwe?

Zimbab-Bee!

What followed the Big Bang?

The Big Cigarette

How do you find Will Smith in the winter time?

Follow the Fresh Prints!

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

The last time I dumped a load into the washing machine, she didn't follow me around for a week!

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes
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What did the CIA dogs say when they supsected they were being followed?

Looks like we got a tail.

What do you do if a purple elephant and a multicolored horse are following you?

Get off the merry-go-round!

What is a water bottle's favorite game to play?

Follow the litre.

How do you find the PC user in the coffee shop?

Follow the power cord.

What do you call an elf that follows Scientology?

Elron Hubbard

Why did the paper follow the pencil?

Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! Skip

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?

With a track-tor!

Why did the stoner cross the road?

Who else would follow a chicken

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

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How do most rappers build a following?

They go shopping at a department store.

What is the difference between a brick and a blonde?

If you lay a brick it doesn't follow you home.

Why did you crash into that stop sign?

Motorist: I was only following orders.

How did the newspaper go about reviewing the opera production?

They followed Standard Opera-rating Procedure

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?

Chevy Chase.

Why do you always follow your instinct when doing trigonometry?

Beacuse you might have secant thoughts and go off on a tangent

Why did the Nevada skunk cross the state border?

To follow the smell of legal dank skunk buds.

Which of the following is a dangerous disease?

A)Bola B)Bola C)Bola D)Bola E)Bola

What was the German Shepard's defense at his Nuremberg trial?

I was just following odors.

How do you get to Oktoberfest?

Follow the lederhosen.

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

Cause Charlie don't serf.

Who him?

Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.

What religion do Saudi Arabian cows follow?

Mooslim

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

What followed the dinosaur?

It's tail!

What do you call a German singalong?

Follow the lieder!

What do planets do to follow each other on SpaceTube?

Sunscribe.

Why did the programmer die in the shower?

He followed the shampoo instructions.

Why did the creepy hipster get arrested?

Because he was following people before instagram

How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?

Doesn't follow instructions very well.

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

What do you call a vampire, that follows the rules?

Draculaw

What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it.

What is the creepiest letter of the alphabet?

V. Because no matter where you are, any time of any day, no matter what you do, V always follows U.

Why must judges learn to spell well?

They must follow the letter of the law.

What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?

A bearl roll.

What did the German Shepherd say at his Nuremberg trial?

I was just following odors.

What artistic dog chews a lot and follows the rules of the farm where it lives?

A Chihuahua that can draw and gnaw while obeying the law and lying on straw!

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

How do you find a girl with no legs?

Follow the slime trail.

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

What is the difference between a girl and a washer?

The washer doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.

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Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

Lay Jokes More Lay Jokes

What's brown, black and blue and lays at the bottom of a ditch?

A brunette that's told one too many blonde jokes.

What's the difference between the foundation of a building and the average Redittor?

The foundation's been laid.

Dump Jokes More Dump Jokes

How did Jared lose 40 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend

Why did you dump those vegetables on my desk?

Criminal: You said it was time to spill the beans.

Steve Bannon Jokes More Steve Bannon Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Why does everyone claim that Steve Bannon is such a crazy guy?

He seems alt-right!

Consider Jokes More Consider Jokes

What political ideology does Hades consider himself to be apart of?

Plutocracy

Why was King Tutenkhamen considered the best pharaoh in all of Egypt?

Because he always showed up in cuneiform.

Type Jokes More Type Jokes

What type of bees don't die?

Zom-bees

What type of overalls did Mario wear?

Denim Denim Denim......

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident

What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

Revolution Jokes More Revolution Jokes

How did the townsfolk find out the pigeons were plotting a revolution?

They heard them in the town square saying, "Coup, coup!"

How many Bolsheviks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None - the lightbulb has the capacity for its own revolution