What is a water bottle's favorite game to play?

Follow the litre.

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What does a Chihuahua play basketball with?

A tennis ball!

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

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How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following: **HIRES**

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Why is the United States always in political disarray?

It's a nation without a litre.

What did the metric alien say?

Take me to your litre!