Catholic Jokes

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin Catholic

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What is a Catholic's favorite weapon?

Nun-chucks.

What are the two primary motions in Catholic feet?

Genuflection and supplication

What is a Catholic choir boy's favorite song?

Can't Touch This

What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint?

Catholic

Why did got object to the wedding between the catholic man and the catholic woman?

He doesn't approve of same sect marriage

What do you call it when a Catholic remodels his kitchen?

A counter reformation.

How do Catholic Church priests stay healthy?

They exorcise.

What do you call a nun that sleep-walks?

A) A Roamin' Catholic b) An unconscious habit

How did the Catholic Priest finish the marathon?

He was second to Nun.

What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money?

PayPal

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What do you find with 4 Catholics?

A fifth.

What did the Catholic baker say after baking the Easter Eucharist?

He is risen.

Why don't catholic priest believe in condoms?

Because little boys can't get pregnant.

What do you call sleep walking nun?

Roaming Catholic

Why do Catholics drink?

Because they're filled with the Holy Spirit

What do the Zika virus and Catholic priests have in common?

They both give kids a little head.

How do you get a Catholic nun pregnant?

Dress her as a choirboy

What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?

A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.

What do a drunken cat and the pope have in common?

They're both Catholics.

What's the difference between Catholics and Protestants?

Protestants have sects.

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What do you get when a Catholic priest baptizes hay?

You get a Christian Bale

How many Catholics can you fit in a habit?

Nun

What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

Why would a Catholic priest start practicing at a prison?

He ran out of little boys

What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area?

A roamin' Catholic.*

What do you call it when a Catholic renovates his kitchen?

A counter reformation.

Why shouldn't we talk about Catholic Priests?

It's a touchy subject.

How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE!

Which punchline do you like better?

What do you call a nun that sleep-walks a) A Roamin' Catholic b) An unconscious habit

What is a Catholic priest's dream second job?

Warden at juvenile detention center.

How many catholics does it take to change a lightbulb?

CHANGE!

Did you hear the joke about the wandering nun?

She was a roman catholic.

Did you know that protons have mass?

I didn't even know they were catholic.

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Little Head Jokes More Little Head Jokes

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

Where's the best place to go if you want a little head?

The 2016 Olympics.

Catholic Priest Jokes More Catholic Priest Jokes

How did the Catholic Priest finish the marathon?

He was second to Nun.

How many wife's does a catholic priest allowed to have?

Nun

Belt Jokes More Belt Jokes

Why bro?

Men with no pants fighting for a belt.. WTF

What does a belt like to do?

Getting Waisted

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

Because it was too chicken!

What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen?

The Ink-credible Hulk.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

How does a plant walk?

It uses a plant stand.

Why does the Avon lady walk funny?

Because her lips stick

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

How do you sell a chicken to someone who is hard-of-hearing?

HEY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BUY A CHICKEN!?!?!?!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?

He prawned everything!

Zika Virus Jokes More Zika Virus Jokes

What do Catholic priests and the Zika Virus have in common?

They both give kids a little head.

How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus?

It was a no brainer.

Liquor Store Jokes More Liquor Store Jokes

What do you call ghosts that haunt liquor stores?

Spirits

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.