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What do you usually find with four Catholics?

A fifth.

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How to find out who loves you more - your dog or your wife?

Easy. Lock them both in a trunk and watch who will be happier to see you after you open it in 15 minutes.

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

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What do you call a nun who is outside her local calling area?

A roamin' Catholic.*

Why did the Catholic Priest cross the road?

To get to the school yard.

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What would American Psycho 3 be called if it had Martin Shreli as the lead actor?

American Psycho 3: Pleading the Fifth

How much liquor does it take before you start telling racist jokes?

For me, it's about three fifths.