Wedding Jokes

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

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What does a Polish groom give his bride for their wedding that is long and hard?

A new last name.

Why couldn't the two melons go to Las Vegas for their wedding?

Because they're cantaloupes.

Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

What's the difference between a wedding and a funeral?

One less drunk.

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

Why did the fruits take out a $30,000 loan for their wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Where did the burgers go after their wedding?

On a bun-eymoon!

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

Why people cry during the weddings?

They are preparing for whats coming afterwards

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Where do rabbits go after their wedding?

On their bunnymoon.

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Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

What kind of ring is the least exciting?

A BOring

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

Engagement Ring Jokes More Engagement Ring Jokes

What are the three rings of marriage?

The first one is the engagement ring...the second one is the wedding ring...and the third one is the suffering.

Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?

They only work 10% of the time.

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

How do the Chinese vote?

With their erections.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So people don't confuse them for feminists.

Groom Jokes More Groom Jokes

Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?

So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.

What do you call a racing horse that's never been groomed?

Furlong

Marriage Jokes More Marriage Jokes

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

What mistake did the chronometer make while it was getting along well with the digital watch?

It asked the digital watch for its hand in marriage.

Suffer Jokes More Suffer Jokes

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

What happened to the performer who read poetry to terminally ill patients?

He suffered an elegiac reaction.

Alabama Jokes More Alabama Jokes

Why is an Alabama divorce like a tornado?

One way or the other someone is losing a trailer.

What's the best part of living in Alabama?

You don't live in Mississippi.