Wedding Jokes

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

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What does a Polish groom give his bride for their wedding that is long and hard?

A new last name.

Why couldn't the two melons go to Las Vegas for their wedding?

Because they're cantaloupes.

Why did got object to the wedding between the catholic man and the catholic woman?

He doesn't approve of same sect marriage

Why did the melons decide to have a wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

What's the difference between a wedding and a funeral?

One less drunk.

Why is Halloween considered the scariest time of the year?

Most weddings happen in June.

Why did the fruits take out a $30,000 loan for their wedding?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Where did the burgers go after their wedding?

On a bun-eymoon!

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

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Why people cry during the weddings?

They are preparing for whats coming afterwards

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?

On their bunnymoon.

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Undertaker Jokes More Undertaker Jokes

What did the undertaker say as the coffin fell out of the car?

We'll have to rehearse that.

What do you get an undertaker for a wedding gift?

His and Hearse towels

John Jokes More John Jokes

Which two regions have the most people named John?

SEA / NA

What is Lil' John's favorite exercise?

Squats, squats, squats squats, squats squats, squats, squats, squats squats. Everybody!

Groom Jokes More Groom Jokes

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?

So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.

Engagement Ring Jokes More Engagement Ring Jokes

Where do Chicago football fans buy engagement rings?

De Beers

Why are promise rings 1/10th the price of engagement rings?

They only work 10% of the time.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

Why is it that sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So they don't get mistaken for feminists.

Wedding Night Jokes More Wedding Night Jokes

What did the polygamist horse get on his wedding night?

A double bridle

What does a Polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard?

A new last name

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why is your shirt on wrong?

Daughter: I think you old people call it: "second base"

What's three times worse than OCD?

OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait the last time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait, the second time didn't feel right. OCD, OCD, OCD. Wait...

Exchange Jokes More Exchange Jokes

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?

Exchange him.