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What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?

With a track-tor!

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Why did my local sandwich shop lose all of its workers??

I was told they were sick of being subordinates.

Why did the doctor lose his job?

He lost his patience

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How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

What do a washing machine and a one night stand have in common?

A washing machine doesn't follow you around for a week after you put a load in it..

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What's the best way to get to the mental hospital?

Take the psychopath!!

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.