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What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints?

With a track-tor!

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What did the big hairy monster do when he lost a hand?

He went to the second-hand shop.

What do you call a man who has lost the lower parts of his legs, but still somehow has his feet?

Tony.

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Why are softball games so hard to follow?

Because everyone secretly plays for the other team.

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?

Chevy Chase.

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What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.

What's the best way to milk a sheep?

Ask Apple.