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Twitter Jokes

Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?

Because he doesn't like being followed.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

What do Twitter users and lollipops have in common?

They're mostly Dum Dums.

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.

What's the different between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter has a character limit

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

Why was Game of Thrones banned from twitter?

Because twitter has an 140 character limit.

Whats the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

Twitter only allows 160 characters

What's the difference between Twitter and Game of Thrones?

Twitter only allows 140 characters.

Why don't Game of Thrones characters tweet with Twitter?

They were ravin' with Raven.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

What did I do before Twitter?

Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY!!

What's the rule for Twitter crushes?

So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms.

How is Twitter like Game of Thrones?

There's 140 characters, and they are all terrible.

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend?

It's not like they had to be there...

Where're you going?

Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...

Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter?

It only allows 140 characters

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

What do you do at a red light?

Me: "I usually respond to texts and check my Twitter."

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

What is twitter?

3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life

What is your sin, my child?

Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time...

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

If I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter?

A rashtag.

What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters

How do Baroque composers tweet?

Through their twitter Handel!..... I am so sorry

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Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why wasn't Jesus any good at math?

Because he always seemed to get hung up on addition.

What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree?

Hang onto your bark this will be no ordinary spark

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

What's the hardest part about working as a nurse or doctor at a women's hospital?

When you ask the patients "what's the problem " They'll say "nothing"

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

Pac Man Jokes More Pac Man Jokes

What should you do before criticizing Pac-Man?

WAKA WAKA WAKA mile in his shoes

What do you call the version of google maps without pac man?

Pac Man-free Ver.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Why will you never see a stag on the internet?

They like to stay anony-moose

What do you call mail that likes to have fun?

Outgoing mail.

Whatcha Jokes More Whatcha Jokes

Whatcha got, reddit?

I am not funny and I need to be. I am writing a script for a short show that's formatted like "Weekend Update" on Saturday Night Live. So that means one sentence about the topic, and then one liner joke. Thank you all!

Whatcha doin?

Papa would say, "I'M MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS." Best advice ever.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What do you call a Corvette following a Camaro at high speeds?

Chevy Chase.

What's the difference between your mom and a washing machine?

If I dump a load in a washing machine it doesn't follow me around for the next few weeks.

Sort Jokes More Sort Jokes

What sort of net is useless for catching fish?

A football net!

What's the most common activity people do while wearing safety vests?

Reflect! I use this dadjoke on my pregnant wife every day when she goes out for walks after dark and wears a safety vest.. 'Now honey, don't forget to reflect on all sorts of things, especially car headlights!'

140 Jokes More 140 Jokes

What do you get when you sleep with all 140 characters of twitter?

A rashtag.

What is the difference between Game of Thrones and Twitter?

With Twitter you only get 140 characters.