Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?

Because he wanted to... "Get along little doggy"

Why are you taking so long to order?

Diner: I can't decide whether I want heartburn or nausea.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did the mathematician quit his job and join NASCAR?

They told him he was good at deriving

What did "Nock" say to "K"?

You can join us, as long as you stay quiet.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why do intersecting lines hate each other?

Because they do nothing except making themselves cross.

Why does everyone hate Harkonnen web-devs?

Divs within Divs within Divs...

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why did the watermelon and the honeydew decide to cancel their spontaneous wedding in Las Vegas?

They realized with a family like theirs, they really Cantaloupe.

What's the difference between a folk singer and a pepperoni pizza?

A pepperoni pizza can actually feed a family of five.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What's the difference between a Twitter post and a Russian Novel?

A Twitter post is limited to 140 characters

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

Why was the sapling such a horrible entrepreneur?

Because he couldn't branch out.

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

What's an Australian Kiss?

A French kiss down under ;) *first post here, a coworker of mine told me the joke. Go easy :)*

What are sloths?

Wrong, What are coworkers