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Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question?

A Regis Error.

Why didn't the grizzly wear any shoes?

He wanted to go bear foot.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What day do soldiers hate the most?

March Fourth

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

What is the difference between a PhD in mathematics and a large pizza?

The pizza can feed a family of four

Why did the chicken love Campbell's Soup?

Because his family had stock in the company.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

What is your sin, my child?

Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time...

Why are Twitter jokes not as funny when you read them aloud to a friend?

It's not like they had to be there...

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

What are sloths?

Wrong, What are coworkers

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess