Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the crayon want to be a phone?

Because it wanted to be a texta.

How can we build this?

A business major asks, "How can we finance this " A liberal arts major asks, "Do you want fries with that "

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

Why did Aquaman join the DC universe instead of Marvel?

Because he was hydra-phobic.

What did Vincent van Gogh call himself when he joined the Justice League?

The Starry Knight

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What food do vampires hate?

Steaks.

Why does everyone hate Will?

Courtesy of my Uncle Rick

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope?

Pluto.

What do a car, a bus, and a family have in common?

The car and the bus both have wheels.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter?

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?

I'm funny that way.

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)